This Means War
When one child steals from another child, things can turn violent. When Abbie grabs a toy from one of the boys, they lack the verbal abilities to tell her how they feel, and to convince her to play nice. I also lack the verbal abilities to convince her to play nice, and I’ve tried explaining the rules to her at every volume within my range. When words fail, the boys bite.
This afternoon, Abbie stole a toy from Tory. He was playing with a tiny slide, giving toy figures a ride down it in the kind of brain-building imaginative play parents dream of. Abbie, possibly not wanting to risk the boys building their brains beyond hers, swiped the slide and figures and played with them herself.
Tory wanted his toys back, and tried biting her. Biting is the nuclear weapon of child-to-child interaction: It’s quick, violent, and usually ends any hope of resuming normal activities for a long time as both sides are reduced to tears.
Fortunately, Tory hasn’t discovered proper biting technique. He leans in mouth-first, violating the principle of “always protect your face.” He also screams as he leans in, ruining any chance he might have of a surprise attack.
Properly warned, Abbie kept the slide with one hand, and pushed Tory’s face away with her other hand. When he kept coming in spite of the stiff-arm block, Abbie smacked him in the face.
I sat to the side during this, hoping they might resolve this situation on their own. I stepped in when it became clear that neither side would surrender until they’d landed a critical blow. I snatched the toys and told them the rule, “if you can’t play nicely with a toy, nobody gets to play with it.”
I set the toys in front of them and gave them a minute to reflect on their actions. Eventually Tory grabbed the toys and resumed playing. Abbie spent her time rethinking her strategy to acquire the toys she wanted.
Abbie leaned into Tory, face-first, intent on biting him, and screaming the entire time. Tory, having watched his sister deal with such behavior, smacked her in the face. I just laughed. I probably should’ve interfered, but this was kind of like cooperative play, and that builds brains too.
This afternoon, Abbie stole a toy from Tory. He was playing with a tiny slide, giving toy figures a ride down it in the kind of brain-building imaginative play parents dream of. Abbie, possibly not wanting to risk the boys building their brains beyond hers, swiped the slide and figures and played with them herself.
Tory wanted his toys back, and tried biting her. Biting is the nuclear weapon of child-to-child interaction: It’s quick, violent, and usually ends any hope of resuming normal activities for a long time as both sides are reduced to tears.
Fortunately, Tory hasn’t discovered proper biting technique. He leans in mouth-first, violating the principle of “always protect your face.” He also screams as he leans in, ruining any chance he might have of a surprise attack.
Properly warned, Abbie kept the slide with one hand, and pushed Tory’s face away with her other hand. When he kept coming in spite of the stiff-arm block, Abbie smacked him in the face.
I sat to the side during this, hoping they might resolve this situation on their own. I stepped in when it became clear that neither side would surrender until they’d landed a critical blow. I snatched the toys and told them the rule, “if you can’t play nicely with a toy, nobody gets to play with it.”
I set the toys in front of them and gave them a minute to reflect on their actions. Eventually Tory grabbed the toys and resumed playing. Abbie spent her time rethinking her strategy to acquire the toys she wanted.
Abbie leaned into Tory, face-first, intent on biting him, and screaming the entire time. Tory, having watched his sister deal with such behavior, smacked her in the face. I just laughed. I probably should’ve interfered, but this was kind of like cooperative play, and that builds brains too.
posted by Matt at
11:31 PM
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