A Memorable First

I imagine one of the best parts about having twins, next to buying everything in bulk, is watching them meet milestones at almost the exact same time. Seeing them both learn to roll over, crawl, and eventually walk within hours of each other will be exciting. Plus knowing one is suddenly more mobile will give me a warning not to leave the other one dangling on the edge of the bed. The latest milestone they hit almost simultaneously is pooping right through their diapers. Whatever parenting lacks in glamour, it makes up with excitement.

Ian was first to blow out his diaper. I picked him off the floor last night, and noticed he left an odd substance on his floor blanket. I’m so used to seeing milk flow out of their mouths, I forgot that things could come out of the other end as well. While inspecting the strange stain, it never occurred to me that sitting him on my knee for a minute would be a phenomenally bad idea. When I realized my mistake, poop was gushing out of the leg hole around his diaper and onto my jeans. That’s the price I pay for buying cheap diapers. Fortunately jeans come clean, though when Ellie found us she had to ask why I was pants-less while changing our child. Many wipes later, Ian wore a fresh diaper and a clean outfit, and I found some clean pants to wear, or at least an old pair with a less offensive stain.

The next morning, I noticed a similar mess coming from Tory. My experience with Ian told me exactly what to do; I immediately lifted him onto the changing table without pausing to inspect the substance or allowing him to touch any more fabric. Fortunately he was still wearing his premium nighttime diaper with strong elastic around the thighs that prevented anything from pouring out the bottom. Unfortunately, all that poop had to go somewhere, and that somewhere was up his back. Many many wipes later, Tory wore a fresh diaper and a clean outfit, and our changing table sported an unspoiled changing pad.

I’m guessing their simultaneous mega-messes are linked to the few ounce of formula I’ve started giving them every day. In case you’re a non-parent who trudged through so much poop for some reason, the breast milk they had been exclusively eating kept them regular to the tune of about five poops every day. Of all their accomplishments so far, their colon-related ones may be what I’m most proud of. Formula slows the gut though, and they’d cut back to one poop a day. Apparently the poop had built up until the quantity was more than the diaper could hold. The result was a first moment I’ll never forget, even though I’ve never seen a baby book with a space for “first blow-out.”