Questions for the Ages
Abbie has a long, proud tradition of delaying bedtime. Newborns can generally cry only to express simple concepts like hunger or pain. Newborn Abbie was much more sophisticated, screaming to express her contempt of the terrifying concept of being laid down to sleep. It was crude, but it communicated her “I’m not ready for bedtime” message well. It successfully delayed many naps as her caretaker* rushed in to offer comfort in hopes that she’d be ready to sleep after being held for another minute.**
Eventually she learned to stand, and could amuse herself well past bedtime by repeatedly pulling herself to standing on the crib railing. Then she learned to amuse herself by running around her crib, and then jumping around her crib, and then finally falling out of her crib. That last lesson wasn’t as amusing as she must’ve thought, hence why she moved to a toddler bed well before toddlerhood.
As her mind matured, she learned to expect me to give her objects before falling asleep. When she discovered that I’d give her a burp cloth before falling asleep, she’d demand another burp cloth. When she discovered that I’d give her her lambie blanket, she’d demand a stuffed animal. When she discovered that I’d sing to her, she’d demand another song.
Now she’s older; old enough to get a burp cloth, lambie blanket, or whatever else she wants herself. Of course, she’s also old enough to throw a never-ending tantrum if she’s not happy at naptime, so I still have to baby her to sleep a bit.
Recently she’s been asking me to count to her before bedtime. It started when I counted down “3-2-1-0!” before throwing her in bed. She’d giggle when she hit the pillow and demand that I do it again. I’d count down from three again, throw a blanket over her head, and say goodnight.
The next day, she’d demand that I’d count down again, but this time start at ten. I’d start at ten, pausing for her to repeat each number after me, throw a blanket over her head at zero, and say good night. Eventually I’d let her count and I repeated each number after her. It took longer, but it was educational, and if there’s one thing the toy industry knows about me, it’s that I like things that are educational for my children.
After a few days, she started counting down from 20. This was upper-level mathematics, the preschool equivalent of calculus. I encouraged her to count, hoping she’d learn to love numbers. She learned how to successfully delay bedtime, especially when she started asking, “what comes next?” after each number.
A couple weeks later, she started to count up to 20 before counting down. I didn’t tolerate this one since I knew she could count to 20, and kept pushing her to count faster. Abbie, sensing her plan was failing, took counting to a new level: She went up to 100, and back down. That’s like quantum physics for preschoolers. I encouraged her hyper-advanced counting skills, and she did a good job. Occasionally she’d skip ten numbers, going “… 72, 71, 60, 59 …” but otherwise did well, even if I had to occasionally ask her “What comes next?”
I started pushing her to count faster when I knew she knew her numbers, and Abbie found a new way to delay naptime: She asked what letter begins numbers. I explained that one begins with “o,” two begins with “t,” three, believe it or not, also begins with “t,” and so on. It took a while, but I was teaching her numbers and letters, so it had to be worthwhile.
About the time I noticed we were spending 20 minutes counting before bedtime, I started to really push her to move faster. That’s when she brought out another delaying tactic: “What letter does ‘T’ begin with?”
I knew she was just toying with me at that point, so I set a limit. We would do whatever she wanted; we could count, jump, or just review what various letters start with. I would only stay for five minutes, though, and when those five minutes were done, she had to go to bed. She resisted at first, threatening to throw one of those never-ending tantrums when I shut the door, so I had to re-enter her room a few times to give her a quick countdown to zero to calm her down.
Now she seems to have accepted it, though. I give her constant time updates, she plays at her own pace, and I throw her into bed when time is up. Sometimes I still have to count down to zero again before she’ll go to sleep.
“We had five minutes. And then four minutes. And then three minutes. And then two minutes. And then one minute. And now we have zero minutes.”
It’s not very educational, but at least it limits her bedtime delay to five minutes.
* I.e. “me.”
** She wouldn’t be.
Eventually she learned to stand, and could amuse herself well past bedtime by repeatedly pulling herself to standing on the crib railing. Then she learned to amuse herself by running around her crib, and then jumping around her crib, and then finally falling out of her crib. That last lesson wasn’t as amusing as she must’ve thought, hence why she moved to a toddler bed well before toddlerhood.
As her mind matured, she learned to expect me to give her objects before falling asleep. When she discovered that I’d give her a burp cloth before falling asleep, she’d demand another burp cloth. When she discovered that I’d give her her lambie blanket, she’d demand a stuffed animal. When she discovered that I’d sing to her, she’d demand another song.
Now she’s older; old enough to get a burp cloth, lambie blanket, or whatever else she wants herself. Of course, she’s also old enough to throw a never-ending tantrum if she’s not happy at naptime, so I still have to baby her to sleep a bit.
Recently she’s been asking me to count to her before bedtime. It started when I counted down “3-2-1-0!” before throwing her in bed. She’d giggle when she hit the pillow and demand that I do it again. I’d count down from three again, throw a blanket over her head, and say goodnight.
The next day, she’d demand that I’d count down again, but this time start at ten. I’d start at ten, pausing for her to repeat each number after me, throw a blanket over her head at zero, and say good night. Eventually I’d let her count and I repeated each number after her. It took longer, but it was educational, and if there’s one thing the toy industry knows about me, it’s that I like things that are educational for my children.
After a few days, she started counting down from 20. This was upper-level mathematics, the preschool equivalent of calculus. I encouraged her to count, hoping she’d learn to love numbers. She learned how to successfully delay bedtime, especially when she started asking, “what comes next?” after each number.
A couple weeks later, she started to count up to 20 before counting down. I didn’t tolerate this one since I knew she could count to 20, and kept pushing her to count faster. Abbie, sensing her plan was failing, took counting to a new level: She went up to 100, and back down. That’s like quantum physics for preschoolers. I encouraged her hyper-advanced counting skills, and she did a good job. Occasionally she’d skip ten numbers, going “… 72, 71, 60, 59 …” but otherwise did well, even if I had to occasionally ask her “What comes next?”
I started pushing her to count faster when I knew she knew her numbers, and Abbie found a new way to delay naptime: She asked what letter begins numbers. I explained that one begins with “o,” two begins with “t,” three, believe it or not, also begins with “t,” and so on. It took a while, but I was teaching her numbers and letters, so it had to be worthwhile.
About the time I noticed we were spending 20 minutes counting before bedtime, I started to really push her to move faster. That’s when she brought out another delaying tactic: “What letter does ‘T’ begin with?”
I knew she was just toying with me at that point, so I set a limit. We would do whatever she wanted; we could count, jump, or just review what various letters start with. I would only stay for five minutes, though, and when those five minutes were done, she had to go to bed. She resisted at first, threatening to throw one of those never-ending tantrums when I shut the door, so I had to re-enter her room a few times to give her a quick countdown to zero to calm her down.
Now she seems to have accepted it, though. I give her constant time updates, she plays at her own pace, and I throw her into bed when time is up. Sometimes I still have to count down to zero again before she’ll go to sleep.
“We had five minutes. And then four minutes. And then three minutes. And then two minutes. And then one minute. And now we have zero minutes.”
It’s not very educational, but at least it limits her bedtime delay to five minutes.
* I.e. “me.”
** She wouldn’t be.
posted by Matt at
10:45 PM
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