Everybody Hurts

Every child bites. At least, I hope every child bites; all of my children bite, and I’d hate to know that my parenting has already gone horribly wrong.

I battled Abbie’s biting from about 10-months of age. I documented our battles in several riveting blog posts at the time that are currently only read by people searching the web for information on chinchillas or pee. She would usually bite out of boredom, because being carried by daddy isn’t thrilling enough without a little added danger that he might suddenly drop you. I used several highly recommended techniques for stopping the biting, including physical restraint, redirection, and time-outs. Of course none of that worked. The only thing that reduced her biting was the passage of time. I think around 18-months, her biting ceased as her mind matured to the point where she recognized that biting was an undesirable action. Either that or my mind matured to the point where I recognized and avoided situations where she’d bite.

Today, Abbie rarely bites, and it’s usually out of aggression. A typical situation is I’m holding her hand to lead her some place undesirable, such as into her room for a timeout or into her booster seat for a meal that isn’t macaroni and cheese. After vainly struggling to free her hand for a couple seconds, she uses my death grip against me and brings her hand to her mouth, rotating it to insert my most susceptible skin between her teeth. Telling her “no” doesn’t help at this point, so I have to let go of her hand and push her from behind toward that night’s leftover casserole. She also occasionally plays a game where she grabs my fingers and tries to put them in her mouth. I haven’t figured out the rules of that game, but I’m pretty sure that it ends with me being bit.

Otherwise, Abbie is a perfect angel as long as I’m only describing her restraint in biting and not her other characteristics, such as climbing on furniture. That’s good, because the boys are at 15-months and entering prime biting age.

The boys started biting later than Abbie partially because their 8-week prematurity gives them a late start on most milestones, but mostly because I don’t carry them nearly as much as I did with Abbie. Gone are the idyllic days when childcare could involve toting my one child on my shoulder as I completed chores. Now childcare involves rushing to finish my chores with two free hands while only one child is screaming at my feet.

Even though the boys enjoy fewer moments in my arms, they still find ways to creep close enough to chomp flesh. They tend to maul me when I sit on the floor, toddling up to my side, throwing their faces into my shoulder, and writhing in my lap. When close enough, they like to put their open mouth on my closest body part and see what happens. Usually I bounce that body part to make it difficult for them to latch on, but that also creates a challenging game for them. Sometimes I physically restrain or redirect, assuming that I have enough free mental power to devote to a non-screaming child.

I don’t sit on the floor often, though, usually only before naptime when I’m reading to them, or possibly when I’m procrastinating before starting a chore. If I’m unavailable, they’ll go after each other and Abbie. Abbie is talented and strong enough to shove them out of the way when they bite, so I’m not concerned about her welfare yet. Sometimes she will stick her fingers in their mouths, leading to her getting bit, so I am a little concerned about her mental state.

That leaves each other as the most vulnerable target. They like to tackle the other, position his open mouth over a body part, and chomp down. This seems to be out of boredom and experimentation more than aggression, so I’m not too concerned yet. I just separate them when I see someone move into the biting position. At least that’s what I do when I have enough free time to catch them. Otherwise, I comfort the crying one after the fact, and hope they mature past this soon.