Never Surrender
It’s important to never give in to your children’s unreasonable demands. When I, the parent, set a rule, my children have to follow that rule no matter how big a fit they throw. If I give into the tantrum once, they’ll throw a tantrum every time.
Abbie’s current bedtime ritual involves reading her Dora calendar. This is one of those month-by-month wall calendars that Abbie refuses to leave on her wall. She wants to flip through the pages, look at the pictures, and recite the months. I paid good money for this wall decoration at a post-New Year’s half-off sale, but I let her read it like a book if that’s what she insists on doing. It’s a great, albeit expensive, way for her to learn the months.
Every night before I close her door, we have to read through this calendar. Tonight, though, she grabbed a book when we walked in her room. We read the book, and when I grabbed her calendar for the final reading, she pushed the book back to me. I asked if she wanted to read the book or the calendar, and she told me, “book.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “This is the last thing we’re going to read before bedtime.”
“Book,” she confirmed.
We had our rule. We would read the book one more time and she would go to bed. I knew that Abbie would want to read the calendar too and would throw a fit when I refused, but she needs to learn to make choices and live with the consequences.
I finished the book and shut the door to her room. Abbie protested mightily, screaming that she wanted to read the calendar. I would not give in.
About five minutes later I walked back into her room. When Abbie throws a tantrum, she will literally make herself physically ill, turning into a teary, snotty, and eventually vomitty mess. I intervened before she hit the third stage, but I wasn’t going to give in. Our cat had foolishly crawled into my lap after I shut Abbie’s room door, showing her gratitude for us finally locking up the children. While she blissfully purred in my arms, I carried her into Abbie’s room. Maybe a couple minutes with the cat would calm her for bedtime.
The cat worked. Abbie immediately calmed down and petted her, and didn’t seem bothered by the various unpleasant cat noises. After a couple more minutes I let the cat scurry away, wished Abbie goodnight, and closed her door.
Abbie screamed. This time I could hear her screaming for burp clothes. Abbie always needs burp clothes to sleep, and I’d forgotten to round up all the ones she dumped in the living room this evening. I wasn’t giving in to her calendar demand, so this seemed a reasonable request. I let Abbie out of her room to round up burp clothes, wiped her nose while she was free, and sent her back to her room.
As I closed the door, Abbie told me that she wanted to read her calendar. I couldn’t give in to our earlier rule, but I knew what happened the last time I denied her calendar request. So I sat her in bed and read the calendar.
I held my ground with the calendar rule, though. I didn’t let her hold it; I flipped the pages for her. I flipped through the pages really fast, too. Maybe she controls what we do, but at least I control how fast we do it.
Abbie’s current bedtime ritual involves reading her Dora calendar. This is one of those month-by-month wall calendars that Abbie refuses to leave on her wall. She wants to flip through the pages, look at the pictures, and recite the months. I paid good money for this wall decoration at a post-New Year’s half-off sale, but I let her read it like a book if that’s what she insists on doing. It’s a great, albeit expensive, way for her to learn the months.
Every night before I close her door, we have to read through this calendar. Tonight, though, she grabbed a book when we walked in her room. We read the book, and when I grabbed her calendar for the final reading, she pushed the book back to me. I asked if she wanted to read the book or the calendar, and she told me, “book.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “This is the last thing we’re going to read before bedtime.”
“Book,” she confirmed.
We had our rule. We would read the book one more time and she would go to bed. I knew that Abbie would want to read the calendar too and would throw a fit when I refused, but she needs to learn to make choices and live with the consequences.
I finished the book and shut the door to her room. Abbie protested mightily, screaming that she wanted to read the calendar. I would not give in.
About five minutes later I walked back into her room. When Abbie throws a tantrum, she will literally make herself physically ill, turning into a teary, snotty, and eventually vomitty mess. I intervened before she hit the third stage, but I wasn’t going to give in. Our cat had foolishly crawled into my lap after I shut Abbie’s room door, showing her gratitude for us finally locking up the children. While she blissfully purred in my arms, I carried her into Abbie’s room. Maybe a couple minutes with the cat would calm her for bedtime.
The cat worked. Abbie immediately calmed down and petted her, and didn’t seem bothered by the various unpleasant cat noises. After a couple more minutes I let the cat scurry away, wished Abbie goodnight, and closed her door.
Abbie screamed. This time I could hear her screaming for burp clothes. Abbie always needs burp clothes to sleep, and I’d forgotten to round up all the ones she dumped in the living room this evening. I wasn’t giving in to her calendar demand, so this seemed a reasonable request. I let Abbie out of her room to round up burp clothes, wiped her nose while she was free, and sent her back to her room.
As I closed the door, Abbie told me that she wanted to read her calendar. I couldn’t give in to our earlier rule, but I knew what happened the last time I denied her calendar request. So I sat her in bed and read the calendar.
I held my ground with the calendar rule, though. I didn’t let her hold it; I flipped the pages for her. I flipped through the pages really fast, too. Maybe she controls what we do, but at least I control how fast we do it.
posted by Matt at
10:58 PM
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