A Story of Violence
Abbie was the victim of playground violence the other day. Not that anyone suffered any sort of injury. I believe this was Abbie’s first experience on the receiving end of hostility. Such is the sheltered life of the oldest sibling who’s never spent a second in daycare.
We were on the playground near our home enjoying the nicest late afternoon weather since last fall. The twins were parked in their stroller next to me while Abbie scampered about the playground. This was a nice change in her behavior from last fall when I had to stick by Abbie’s side to help her with various tasks like going down the slide, climbing on the merry-go-round, and learning not to eat woodchips. On this day, she was happy to slide down by herself, spin the merry-go-round, and hop through the puddles left by the torrential rains from a couple days earlier.
The gorgeous weather pulled almost all of the neighborhood children onto the playground like downtown office workers lured to the first afternoon baseball game of the season. This is one of Abbie’s few opportunities to interact with people near her intellect as the twins are just starting to show signs of cerebral activity while I possess the thought processes of a boy more than twice her age.
Her first interaction was to play ball with a neighbor boy about nine months older than her. By “play ball” I mean Abbie chased the ball while he threw it, collected it, and threw it again in that selfish manner that only toddlers can do and get away with. I might have intervened to convince the boy to share, but I want Abbie to work through these interactions on her own, and maybe learn some empathy for those who are never shared with. Plus the boy was happy to play with the ball around Abbie, albeit a little frustrated that this little girl kept trying to grab it, while she never showed signs of frustration at not being able to grab the ball, just exuberance that it kept moving.
Eventually Abbie lost interest in the ball, and moved onto more interesting things, like an Elmo lawnmower push-toy. This toy also had the interest of a neighbor girl about seven months older than Abbie. I kept an eye on those two in between checking the boys to make sure they were comfortable in their stroller, but not so comfortable that they fell asleep early. I looked up in time to see the neighbor girl shove Abbie to the ground and walk away with the toy. I let it go because I want her to work through these situations by herself, plus she didn’t seem too upset. Then I saw the neighbor girl walk up to her, shove her to the ground, and walk away for no reason. Then she did it again. Then she walked up behind Abbie and thwacked her on the back of the head.
I was on my way to help Abbie before the first tear rolled out of her eye. I passed the neighbor girl understandably running the other way and told her she was being very naughty. This probably bent if not broke the cardinal rule of “never parent other people’s children,” but I didn’t care; my little girl was in tears. The girl’s mother, unaware of the whole episode, sprang up apologetically as soon as she heard me. I explained to her the situation (“she thwacked Abbie in the back of the head”), she apologized, and the girl promptly disappeared from the playground.
We stayed outside for several more minutes, and Abbie, always the trooper, showed remarkably little mental damage from the attack. On our way back to the house, we passed the girl and her mom heading back to the park. The mom apologized again, and explained that her girl had been acting more aggressively recently, possibly because she was learning to defend herself from her brother. Fortunately the girl’s brother is about 18-months older, while Abbie’s brothers are about 18-months younger so I’ll probably never have to worry about Abbie showing similar aggressive tendencies.* I told the mom don’t worry about it, that kids do what they’re going to do.
The girl also apologized to Abbie, which I appreciated even if it was under heavy pressure from mom. She then stepped in to hug Abbie. As soon as she wrapped her arms around my girl, Abbie shoved her away. So it’s good to see Abbie’s learning how to handle herself in social situations.
* Sarcasm alert.
We were on the playground near our home enjoying the nicest late afternoon weather since last fall. The twins were parked in their stroller next to me while Abbie scampered about the playground. This was a nice change in her behavior from last fall when I had to stick by Abbie’s side to help her with various tasks like going down the slide, climbing on the merry-go-round, and learning not to eat woodchips. On this day, she was happy to slide down by herself, spin the merry-go-round, and hop through the puddles left by the torrential rains from a couple days earlier.
The gorgeous weather pulled almost all of the neighborhood children onto the playground like downtown office workers lured to the first afternoon baseball game of the season. This is one of Abbie’s few opportunities to interact with people near her intellect as the twins are just starting to show signs of cerebral activity while I possess the thought processes of a boy more than twice her age.
Her first interaction was to play ball with a neighbor boy about nine months older than her. By “play ball” I mean Abbie chased the ball while he threw it, collected it, and threw it again in that selfish manner that only toddlers can do and get away with. I might have intervened to convince the boy to share, but I want Abbie to work through these interactions on her own, and maybe learn some empathy for those who are never shared with. Plus the boy was happy to play with the ball around Abbie, albeit a little frustrated that this little girl kept trying to grab it, while she never showed signs of frustration at not being able to grab the ball, just exuberance that it kept moving.
Eventually Abbie lost interest in the ball, and moved onto more interesting things, like an Elmo lawnmower push-toy. This toy also had the interest of a neighbor girl about seven months older than Abbie. I kept an eye on those two in between checking the boys to make sure they were comfortable in their stroller, but not so comfortable that they fell asleep early. I looked up in time to see the neighbor girl shove Abbie to the ground and walk away with the toy. I let it go because I want her to work through these situations by herself, plus she didn’t seem too upset. Then I saw the neighbor girl walk up to her, shove her to the ground, and walk away for no reason. Then she did it again. Then she walked up behind Abbie and thwacked her on the back of the head.
I was on my way to help Abbie before the first tear rolled out of her eye. I passed the neighbor girl understandably running the other way and told her she was being very naughty. This probably bent if not broke the cardinal rule of “never parent other people’s children,” but I didn’t care; my little girl was in tears. The girl’s mother, unaware of the whole episode, sprang up apologetically as soon as she heard me. I explained to her the situation (“she thwacked Abbie in the back of the head”), she apologized, and the girl promptly disappeared from the playground.
We stayed outside for several more minutes, and Abbie, always the trooper, showed remarkably little mental damage from the attack. On our way back to the house, we passed the girl and her mom heading back to the park. The mom apologized again, and explained that her girl had been acting more aggressively recently, possibly because she was learning to defend herself from her brother. Fortunately the girl’s brother is about 18-months older, while Abbie’s brothers are about 18-months younger so I’ll probably never have to worry about Abbie showing similar aggressive tendencies.* I told the mom don’t worry about it, that kids do what they’re going to do.
The girl also apologized to Abbie, which I appreciated even if it was under heavy pressure from mom. She then stepped in to hug Abbie. As soon as she wrapped her arms around my girl, Abbie shoved her away. So it’s good to see Abbie’s learning how to handle herself in social situations.
* Sarcasm alert.
posted by Matt at
10:50 PM
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