Fun with Phones
I had some Important Phone Calls to make from Abbie Update world headquarters this morning. At this point in my life, an Important Phone Call can be defined as “a phone call made for the purpose of something other than ordering food.”* In Pre-Abbie days, making a phone call was as simple as (1) picking up the phone, (2) speaking uninterrupted to the desired person, (3) hanging up. Then it was off to the shopping mall in my puke-free two-door coupe to spend large wads of disposable income.
In today’s Abbie-filled world, a phone call can become a test rivaling in difficulty any I encountered in college, such as my music theory final, or even the quest to discover how much Home Team pizza a person can safely ingest.** First, I must find the phone hidden between mounds of burp cloths and toys, a task made all the more difficult by Abbie’s constant rearrangement of the mounds. If I have an incoming call making the phone ring, the auditory clue makes finding the phone easier, but it also adds a time constraint. Lunging across the living room also sets off a cacophony of chimes and battery-fueled music as I knock tons of toys in my haste, which annoys me and leaves the person on the other end wondering if I’m listening to Phillip Glass.
The truly difficult part happens after successfully completing the call. Somehow I must correctly communicate with another person despite distractions from a screeching baby, various toys, and occasionally a barking dog thrown on top just for fun. A kennel will silence one of those distractions. Go ahead and guess which one. The other two can be silenced by picking up the baby and holding her for the duration of the call, but that brings up the problem of Abbie grabbing the phone. She loves grabbing anything with small buttons like remote controls. If I give her my car keys, which combine the thrill of a car remote with the excitement of jingling metal, she will approach a state of happiness that she may not reach again until she eats a warm brownie topped with triple fudge ripple ice cream and whipped cream. I’m thinking of letting her have this much sugar for her 16th birthday. Because I haven’t posted any pictures of her for a while, here’s proof that she enjoys phones.
Updating the snot watch: We’re both still sick. And the letters in "nuclear mucus" can also be arranged to spell "mucus can rule."
* Pizza from Felix & Oscar’s may be an exception
** Answer: Not much
In today’s Abbie-filled world, a phone call can become a test rivaling in difficulty any I encountered in college, such as my music theory final, or even the quest to discover how much Home Team pizza a person can safely ingest.** First, I must find the phone hidden between mounds of burp cloths and toys, a task made all the more difficult by Abbie’s constant rearrangement of the mounds. If I have an incoming call making the phone ring, the auditory clue makes finding the phone easier, but it also adds a time constraint. Lunging across the living room also sets off a cacophony of chimes and battery-fueled music as I knock tons of toys in my haste, which annoys me and leaves the person on the other end wondering if I’m listening to Phillip Glass.
The truly difficult part happens after successfully completing the call. Somehow I must correctly communicate with another person despite distractions from a screeching baby, various toys, and occasionally a barking dog thrown on top just for fun. A kennel will silence one of those distractions. Go ahead and guess which one. The other two can be silenced by picking up the baby and holding her for the duration of the call, but that brings up the problem of Abbie grabbing the phone. She loves grabbing anything with small buttons like remote controls. If I give her my car keys, which combine the thrill of a car remote with the excitement of jingling metal, she will approach a state of happiness that she may not reach again until she eats a warm brownie topped with triple fudge ripple ice cream and whipped cream. I’m thinking of letting her have this much sugar for her 16th birthday. Because I haven’t posted any pictures of her for a while, here’s proof that she enjoys phones.
Updating the snot watch: We’re both still sick. And the letters in "nuclear mucus" can also be arranged to spell "mucus can rule."
* Pizza from Felix & Oscar’s may be an exception
** Answer: Not much
posted by Matt at
10:37 PM
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