Ians Bounce. Torys Flail.

It’s always bothered me that I can’t tell the difference between the twins’ personalities. I’ve reached the point where I can tell them apart by looking at them, and I don’t just mean I search for the mole on Ian’s sole, or compare guts to determine the larger one belongs to Tory. I can look at their faces and tell who’s who; Ian has a more elongated face, Tory has a thicker face. Unless the kids are in the bathtub; then I have to search for Ian’s foot mole.

I want to find personality differences too. I want to know how each of my children think. I want to know Ian as an individual, and Tory as an individual; learn what works best to motivate and soothe each one. Instead I know this Torian hybrid that I care for in exactly the same way by dumping Tasteeos in front of them whenever someone cries.

I’ve always said that Tory is quicker to melt down, but that’s only true most of the time. It’s not like I can tell a first-time babysitter that the fussy one is Tory. Besides the fact that most first-time babysitters would run away screaming upon hearing that one of the family’s twin 12-month-olds can be labeled as the “fussy one,” Ian can have his moments of irrational exasperation. When I sit down to breakfast, it’s just as likely I’ll end up holding Ian as Tory.

I think I finally have a distinct personality difference between the two boys: They bounce at different times. Ian bounces when he’s happy. When I open his door in the morning to release him from bedtime prison, he’s usually standing in his crib, holding onto the railing. Upon seeing me he’ll often start bouncing up and down with a giant smile on his face. If he’s really excited to be held, like when mama picks him up after coming home, he’ll start bouncing in our arms and giggling while we encourage him.

Tory is the opposite. Make him happy, and he’ll just laugh, or possibly continue eating. Make him angry, and stay clear of his legs because he could probably break a nose with that feet movement. Specifically, he often hates being set down. When I turn him horizontal to set him on the changing table for a diaper change, he’ll scream and flail his legs, which probably smears the mess in his pants worse. When I lovingly remove him from the kitchen so I can clean and stand him in front of a bowl of Tasteeos, his legs start flapping as soon as he breaks contact from my side. When he touches down, he might bounce for a few seconds while vocalizing his displeasure. Sometimes he’ll collapse into a bawling heap of defeated baby. When setting him down makes him really angry, he’ll collapse onto all fours and take three or four crawl steps, screaming furiously the entire time.

Now when babysitters visit, and they have an emergency mix-up and need me to explain who’s who over the phone, I can tell them to watch for someone bouncing. If they’re happy, it’s Ian bouncing. If they’re mad, it’s Tory bouncing. If they’re sullen, just weigh them; Tory weighs more.