That's How I Do It

While visiting over the holiday, I heard the same question repeatedly. I heard it more than any other question. More than “What does he have in his mouth?” More than “You’re going to pay to replace that, aren’t you?” More than “How much pumpkin pie did you eat?”

Everyone kept asking me “How do you do it?” or at least made the varying comment “I don’t know how you do it.” “It” here refers to “dealing with three young children who spend all day screaming except for those times when they have something valuable and/or dangerous in their mouths.” The implication is that family members love spending time with my kids, but they love handing them back to me when they get cranky even more. My family members got plenty of experience dealing with my cranky kids over the holiday because I was usually nowhere nearby when they started screaming. My absence was occasionally because I was too busy rescuing a different child from something dangerous or vice versa, and occasionally because I was doing my best to stay far away from my screaming children and enjoy my impromptu free babysitting.

I heard the question so many times, I even prepared a stock answer: “I ignore them most of the time.” I thought that was a great answer because it’s a humble, semi-amusing remark that’s 100% true. Plus it’s quick and usually ends the conversation, which is important when I’ve got a screaming child or a cooling meal to attend to.

The holiday probably made my kids more irritable than usual. They were way off their routine, sleeping less, eating strange foods, and lacking cats to chase. Also, the boys’ stranger anxiety is in full gear as they scream in terror whenever any stranger* pays attention to them.

With the boys howling because some weird guy looked at them while they should have been napping, it probably sounded like I never have a moment of quiet at home. That’s true, but at least at home I can move to a different room while someone melts down.

I don’t like ignoring unhappy children. I’d rather meet my children’s every need, anticipating their desires and fulfilling them with blissful parental interaction. That’s what I did with Abbie when she was an only child. Of course, that may explain a few things about her attitude now. Trying to keep everyone happy would ensure that I’d never leave the house, and if I spent all my time entertaining children instead of doing chores like picking up that bowlful of grapes Abbie dumped on the carpet, I would desperately need to leave our pigsty.

I’ve learned to handle different noises in different ways. Silence means I check on the kids periodically to remove any forbidden objects from their clutches. I do the same with happy noises. I ignore screams of boredom until I hit a stopping point in whatever chore I’m doing. Maybe I finish wiping the counters, folding a shirt, or vacuuming the living room. Even when I do pay attention to the bored child, it’s to dangle a toy within reach. If that grabs attention, great; if the child keeps screaming, it’s a good thing a vacuum cleaner is loud. Screams of pain always warrant immediate attention, though sometimes I even have to prioritize that. The child who slams fingers in a door will have to self-soothe for a minute if a sibling has a poopy diaper.

It’s not like I ignore the kids all day. They get plenty of attention. We read together three times a day. I feed everyone three times a day. Everyone gets their diapers changed at least that often. Most frequently, everyone enjoys close personal attention several times each day as I discern what they just shoved in their mouths.

* Specifically “stranger” means “strange males.” Even more specifically, “stranger” means “their grandfathers.”
** That’s especially true since I can’t even slip shoes on a child without eliciting screams.