Changing Diapers

We use Sam’s Club brand diapers in our house. I decided upon this brand after trying many different brands, and settling upon the one that best fulfilled my primary objective, namely being cheap.

The Sam’s Club brand diapers have a couple other strong points. Like everything else sold in a warehouse club, they come in a comically large box suitable for storing outgrown clothes, toys, and the complete works of Dr. Seuss until all children pass the book destroying phase. Plus they hold their contents fairly well, keeping the child’s clothes dry for upwards of nine hours, not that I’ve ever pushed it that far.

When Abbie was born, we used the name brand diapers. I was terrified of what might happen with generics. They’d probably have the holding power of sandstone and be just as comfortable, at least if the diaper conglomerate commercials are to be believed. I’d probably need two diapers to contain one mess, plus my child would be uncomfortable and cranky all the time, leading to a lifetime of despising her parents and eventually deviant behavior such as scratching. I thought the same thing about generic formula, thinking the name brand formulas contain magically expensive ingredients, thus justifying their 200% markup.

When the boys came, I realized that formula is just fortified dry milk, and a diaper is a diaper. Now everyone gets the cheapest thing possible: Generic formula, generic diapers, and books with misspelled words and grammar that are bad. I take the savings and use it to buy more important things, like the ever-growing haul of birthday and Christmas presents we have stored in our basement.

Then Sam’s Club had to go and screw things up. The last time I bought diapers I noticed the box design was completely different. I wondered if the diapers had changed. Someone else apparently wondered the same thing since one of the boxes was split open with its innards strewn about. The diapers looked identical, so I chalked it up to corporate neurosis trying to keep things looking fresh. Plus the boxes were bigger for the same price; what could go wrong?

After breaking into a box, I realized they were a little different. They stopped printing the size on the diaper. That’s a problem when you use two different sized diapers. Heaven help the too small diaper that inadvertently goes on Abbie.

A few days later, I noticed the diapers were leaking more frequently. It sunk in about the time all three children were wet simultaneously.

Now I need to decide on my brand of diaper. We’re going to have three children in diapers until someone decides they want to potty train, so I need something good. I can live with diapers that lack size-markings. Diapers that leak are not good, though. If I have to do twice as much laundry from changing clothes so frequently, it’s going to come right out of my Internet time.

For now I’m seeing how the latest boxes work. I’m changing everyone more frequently, trying to stay ahead of the dam burst. These are still the cheapest diapers I can find, and if I can make them work I will. Plus I need to collect a lot more boxes for all the outgrown clothes piled in our basement.