I Scratch
Abbie is scratching. Abbie has been scratching me ever since she acquired the motor skills needed to dig her fingernails into my skin and rake. I believe that milestone is listed under the 9-month development stage. There’s a good chance she’s scratching me as you read this. She’s not scratching me as I write this since I’m a responsible parent who only writes while my children are safely tucked in bed or at least planted in front of the television.
I’m at my wit’s end with Abbie sometimes. She’ll walk up to me and randomly start scratching several times a day. She’ll scratch if I don’t pay attention to her. She’ll scratch if I don’t pay enough attention to her. She’ll scratch if I pay attention to her, but don’t immediately grab those Goldfish she wants.
As frustrating as it is for me, it’s probably worse for her. I think scratching is her way of communicating. Without words, all she can do is a crude attention-grabber that will likely make daddy mad before she gets what she wants. She may even feel a deep sense of remorse every time she scratches, knowing it causes pain to others, but having no other means of communicating. Then again she’s a toddler with no sense of empathy, so she probably enjoys getting a rise out of me, a thrill that she’ll likely enjoy all the way through her hiking across Europe with her live-in boyfriend phase.
I’m working on new ways to make her stop that don’t involve physical restraints. I know she usually scratches during diaper changes, so I keep her mind distracted by singing. I’ve been singing to her off and on during diaper changes for months. The problem is that a song will only entertain her for so long, maybe a few days, or maybe a few months. After that, it fails to entertain her, and she’ll scratch through my singing. The appearance of drug-resistant bacteria functions in the same way, except Abbie’s scratching is more painful than a stomach bug.
Abbie’s current musical amoxicillin is “I’m a Little Teapot.” I use it during most diaper changes and even while tying her shoes to keep her brain too occupied to send scratch signals to her fingers. It works for now, though soon I may have to move onto other, less safe songs. Changing her diaper while singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” complete with finger motions could be absolutely hazardous.
I’m also having success screaming when she pinches me. I don’t mean I scream obscenities and berate her for misbehaving; that doesn’t work. I mean I yelp in pain whether she drew blood or just harvested a few skin cells, and then inform her “that hurt.” Usually she feels so bad for causing pain that she’ll immediately give me a kiss lest I turn too angry to give her what she wants. Then we go about our business, which is usually her begging for Goldfish, and me trying to figure out what stinks.
The screaming tactic works well at home, but not in public. I can’t scream with the needed volume to guilt her without alarming passersby that my toddler may be beating me up. So I just make vague threats like “stop pinching,” “you’d better stop pinching,” and “you don’t want to know what’s going to happen if you pinch me again.” Then I take my mind off the searing pinch pain by dreaming about naptime, the one time of day when she doesn’t pinch me. That, and TV time.
I’m at my wit’s end with Abbie sometimes. She’ll walk up to me and randomly start scratching several times a day. She’ll scratch if I don’t pay attention to her. She’ll scratch if I don’t pay enough attention to her. She’ll scratch if I pay attention to her, but don’t immediately grab those Goldfish she wants.
As frustrating as it is for me, it’s probably worse for her. I think scratching is her way of communicating. Without words, all she can do is a crude attention-grabber that will likely make daddy mad before she gets what she wants. She may even feel a deep sense of remorse every time she scratches, knowing it causes pain to others, but having no other means of communicating. Then again she’s a toddler with no sense of empathy, so she probably enjoys getting a rise out of me, a thrill that she’ll likely enjoy all the way through her hiking across Europe with her live-in boyfriend phase.
I’m working on new ways to make her stop that don’t involve physical restraints. I know she usually scratches during diaper changes, so I keep her mind distracted by singing. I’ve been singing to her off and on during diaper changes for months. The problem is that a song will only entertain her for so long, maybe a few days, or maybe a few months. After that, it fails to entertain her, and she’ll scratch through my singing. The appearance of drug-resistant bacteria functions in the same way, except Abbie’s scratching is more painful than a stomach bug.
Abbie’s current musical amoxicillin is “I’m a Little Teapot.” I use it during most diaper changes and even while tying her shoes to keep her brain too occupied to send scratch signals to her fingers. It works for now, though soon I may have to move onto other, less safe songs. Changing her diaper while singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” complete with finger motions could be absolutely hazardous.
I’m also having success screaming when she pinches me. I don’t mean I scream obscenities and berate her for misbehaving; that doesn’t work. I mean I yelp in pain whether she drew blood or just harvested a few skin cells, and then inform her “that hurt.” Usually she feels so bad for causing pain that she’ll immediately give me a kiss lest I turn too angry to give her what she wants. Then we go about our business, which is usually her begging for Goldfish, and me trying to figure out what stinks.
The screaming tactic works well at home, but not in public. I can’t scream with the needed volume to guilt her without alarming passersby that my toddler may be beating me up. So I just make vague threats like “stop pinching,” “you’d better stop pinching,” and “you don’t want to know what’s going to happen if you pinch me again.” Then I take my mind off the searing pinch pain by dreaming about naptime, the one time of day when she doesn’t pinch me. That, and TV time.
posted by Matt at
11:06 PM
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