Too Close to Home

Ellie came home this morning around 10am. This was unexpected because I knew her schedule for the day, and it didn’t have any holes for her to come home so early. She immediately and somewhat frantically asked for Abbie’s shoes so they could go to the park. Once again, this was unexpected if for no other reason than she’s usually more upbeat when taking Abbie to the park. I asked what was happening, and she said that her co-worker’s nine-month-old girl, who also happens to be a neighbor, had coded this morning, and they needed help watching their son in the park. Another neighbor took him in for the morning shortly after that, and Ellie returned to work. An hour later she returned home to confirm that the girl had died this morning.

Her death wasn’t entirely unexpected. She suffered from a chromosomal abnormality so rare that the medical community might name the condition after her. The doctors thought she might be lucky to live for a year, and everyone knew that she could code at any time. That doesn’t mean her death doesn’t hurt, especially since she had been acting normally the night before except for a little loss of appetite.

There’s plenty of sympathy to go around. They have two other children, a three-year-old who doesn’t quite seem to understand, and a grade-schooler who is taking it hard. The father is finishing a difficult month at work. The mother is absolutely crushed, and I can only imagine what she’s feeling. The girl never developed mentally or physically much beyond a newborn, and it must be unbelievably draining to care for a child that helpless for nine months straight. On one hand, the mother may be feeling a sense of relief that her burden is lifted, freeing her to devote more time to her older children. On the other hand, she may be horrified that she’s feeling anything other than grief right now.

There’s little we can do to help them, but we’re doing what we can. Ellie bought their groceries this afternoon, and, in accordance with Iowa tradition, is cooking a meal and sweets for them. I’m dusting off my computer and college education to throw together a memorial video for the family, which somehow seems a lot more fulfilling than the instructional videos that sold for $39.95 that I used to throw together. Ian and Tory helped out by being cute and cooing a lot for the family when we visited them this afternoon. Abbie helped by keeping the neighbor’s dogs entertained while they were visiting too.

Otherwise, there’s not much more we can do other than keeping them in our thoughts and prayers while going about our lives. And of course, we’re hugging our kids a little tighter.