"Catch you on the flip side, dudemeisters."

I remember paying special attention to Abbie’s ability to roll over when she was an infant. Rolling over is a special milestone in that it signifies the beginning of a child’s mobility; when you turn your back on a mobile infant, she may be in a completely different position when you turn around, like under the couch. Plus rolling over is one of the most definitive milestones. When your baby learns to roll over, you know it; no answering with “sorta” at your baby’s check-up for this one like you would when the nurse asks if she’s doing other milestones like holding her head up or recognizing faces.

I was so infatuated with Abbie learning to roll over that I spent time trying to teach her. I set her on a blanket, and gently pulled up one side until she rolled from her back to her tummy, and again back onto her back. Then I pulled the other side up until she rolled in the opposite direction back to her original position. I have no idea if the experience taught her how to roll over, but I think it did teach her how to scream in terror.

My philosophy with the twins is completely different. I’ve experienced the joy of achieving milestones, now I want the joy of babies who cause of minimum amount of trouble. The longer it takes the twins to learn to roll over, the longer I can leave them on the floor while I briefly turn my back to accomplish various tasks, like pick up the room, fold laundry, or pull lord knows what out of Abbie’s mouth.

Alas, time marches forward and the boys learn to roll over no matter how hard I try to keep it a secret. I’ll lay them in their gym, turn my back to grab a cup of water from Abbie’s hands before she dumps it on the floor, and turn back around to see both boys flipped onto their tummies.

Actually Tory doesn’t roll over often despite his rotund shape that would seem conducive to rolling. I know he can roll over because I’ve seen him do it, or at least I’ve found him in a completely different position than he was before I turned my back. He just seems to prefer staying on his back and conserving his energy for digestion and eating.

Ian on the other hand loves rolling. When he gets in the mood, I can’t keep him on his back as he’ll kick his legs over the instant his back touches the floor. Fortunately the sides of the gym block his progress and prevent him from rolling too far away and under furniture where he could be threatened by monstrous hordes of dust bunnies.

Even though they can’t roll into the next room yet, rolling still creates problems. The biggest one is they tend to stay on their tummies. I strongly encourage tummy time for my flat-headed little men, but they don’t share my convictions. They usually only tolerate a couple minutes on their tummies before howling in frustration, and a couple minutes usually isn’t even enough time to identify the substance I just removed from Abbie’s mouth. I’ll flip them back over, which tends to calm them down, at least until Ian wonders what it’s like to roll over (this usually takes about two seconds), flips back onto his tummy, and immediately becomes enraged that he’s stuck in tummy position again.

Even when they calmly lay on their tummies, it’s not an ideal situation. As countless magazines, health care workers, and diapers have reminded me, leaving a baby on his tummy increases his risk of SIDS if he falls asleep, which they certainly will if they’re on their tummies and calm. Of course also increasing the risk of SIDS is placing inside the crib soft bedding, a stuffed animal, or a twin sibling, and we’ve violated every one of those rules at one time. Obviously we need to stop pressing our luck.

Then there’s the risk of spit-up. A baby on his tummy who spits up will eventually set his face in the mess if left long enough. In addition to being disgusting, this really ticks the boys off when it happens. When they’re on their tummies, I need to keep a burp cloth ready until they achieve the milestone of “can roll out of the way of their own spit up.”