Origin of the Late Bedtime
Abbie’s bedtime keeps moving in the wrong direction. A couple months ago, before the twins’ birth, Abbie’s naps had wilted to an hour in the afternoon. To compensate, I moved her bedtime up to 9pm sharp. I decided she needed all the sleep she could get to stay in a good mood and to optimize her developmental potential. Plus I had stuff to do around the house.
After a couple weeks of short naps, she magically reverted back to those wonderful three-hour naps. The kind of nap where I could nap, exercise, shower, blog, eat lunch, solve a sudoku, and nap again before she woke up. Those were good times, and, wanting to keep them rolling, I slipped Abbie’s bedtime back to 9:15pm. My theory was that if Abbie sleeps less during the night, she’d nap more during the afternoon. I don’t have any actual evidence to support my theory, though as I understand, that’s the sign of high-quality scientific theories like origin of life theories. Abbie’s night sleep times and nap times may be and probably are unrelated, but until I see hard evidence otherwise, I’m going to assume my theory is correct. That’s also a sign of high-quality scientific theories.
Then the twins came. Suddenly I needed her naps, not for trivial matters like solving puzzles or showering, but for visiting the NICU. I wanted her naps to remain nice and long, so I set 9:15 as a minimal goal for bedtime. If she doesn’t land in bed until closer to 9:30, then she’ll just nap that much longer tomorrow afternoon. That assumes my theory is correct, and since no one has yet presented contradictory evidence, I’m certain I’m right.
Abbie, sensing my softness on bedtime, is taking advantage by encouraging me to let her stay up later. Her most effective trick for doing so is to play quietly on the living room floor while I crash on the couch. “Gee, dad,” I imagine her saying, “you look tired after a long day of caring for my baby brothers. Why don’t you just relax on the couch while I entertain myself for a bit? I’ll bet there’s a crucial sporting event on television. Why, there is! And look, they appear headed for overtime. Just enjoy how this plays out and I’ll continue busying myself over here. Come get me when the participants arrive at some sort of resolution. Sucker.”
She has a one more bedtime book tactic. Every time I try to move her to the next step in her bedtime routine, she throws a book at me. Sometimes I indulge her inquisitive mind and read to her. Sometimes I see through her manipulative attempts and drag her into the bathroom to brush her teeth. I believe she learned this tactic from her book “Olivia,” where the girl “Olivia” pesters her mother “mother” to read one more book before bedtime. She’s not even two and already picking up bad habits from the media. I should lock MTV out of our televisions now.
She threw her latest trick at me last night. After giving her a bath, she was happily playing with her bath toys. Since a crucial basketball game was on television in the next room, I left her to play while I watched a few (42) possessions. I drained the bathtub before leaving the room, making me simply a tired parent and not dangerously neglectful. After losing interest in the game, I stepped into the bathroom to dry her and finish the bedtime routine. As I knelt by the tub, I caught a whiff of a little Abbie toot. When I lifted her, I found a little Abbie remnant, and by “little” I mean “big enough to plug the toilet.”
After flushing the toilet and turning the shower flow on habanero hot for a few minutes of sterilization, I realized that my special girl, who barely talks, is smart enough to leave a steaming Abbie pile in the bathtub to slow me down and keep her out of bed longer. At least that’s my theory.
As a bonus, here’s an outtake from this year’s Christmas card picture:
After a couple weeks of short naps, she magically reverted back to those wonderful three-hour naps. The kind of nap where I could nap, exercise, shower, blog, eat lunch, solve a sudoku, and nap again before she woke up. Those were good times, and, wanting to keep them rolling, I slipped Abbie’s bedtime back to 9:15pm. My theory was that if Abbie sleeps less during the night, she’d nap more during the afternoon. I don’t have any actual evidence to support my theory, though as I understand, that’s the sign of high-quality scientific theories like origin of life theories. Abbie’s night sleep times and nap times may be and probably are unrelated, but until I see hard evidence otherwise, I’m going to assume my theory is correct. That’s also a sign of high-quality scientific theories.
Then the twins came. Suddenly I needed her naps, not for trivial matters like solving puzzles or showering, but for visiting the NICU. I wanted her naps to remain nice and long, so I set 9:15 as a minimal goal for bedtime. If she doesn’t land in bed until closer to 9:30, then she’ll just nap that much longer tomorrow afternoon. That assumes my theory is correct, and since no one has yet presented contradictory evidence, I’m certain I’m right.
Abbie, sensing my softness on bedtime, is taking advantage by encouraging me to let her stay up later. Her most effective trick for doing so is to play quietly on the living room floor while I crash on the couch. “Gee, dad,” I imagine her saying, “you look tired after a long day of caring for my baby brothers. Why don’t you just relax on the couch while I entertain myself for a bit? I’ll bet there’s a crucial sporting event on television. Why, there is! And look, they appear headed for overtime. Just enjoy how this plays out and I’ll continue busying myself over here. Come get me when the participants arrive at some sort of resolution. Sucker.”
She has a one more bedtime book tactic. Every time I try to move her to the next step in her bedtime routine, she throws a book at me. Sometimes I indulge her inquisitive mind and read to her. Sometimes I see through her manipulative attempts and drag her into the bathroom to brush her teeth. I believe she learned this tactic from her book “Olivia,” where the girl “Olivia” pesters her mother “mother” to read one more book before bedtime. She’s not even two and already picking up bad habits from the media. I should lock MTV out of our televisions now.
She threw her latest trick at me last night. After giving her a bath, she was happily playing with her bath toys. Since a crucial basketball game was on television in the next room, I left her to play while I watched a few (42) possessions. I drained the bathtub before leaving the room, making me simply a tired parent and not dangerously neglectful. After losing interest in the game, I stepped into the bathroom to dry her and finish the bedtime routine. As I knelt by the tub, I caught a whiff of a little Abbie toot. When I lifted her, I found a little Abbie remnant, and by “little” I mean “big enough to plug the toilet.”
After flushing the toilet and turning the shower flow on habanero hot for a few minutes of sterilization, I realized that my special girl, who barely talks, is smart enough to leave a steaming Abbie pile in the bathtub to slow me down and keep her out of bed longer. At least that’s my theory.
As a bonus, here’s an outtake from this year’s Christmas card picture:
posted by Matt at
11:15 PM
1 Comments:
Beautiful picture!
By
Amy, at 7:12 AM
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