New Nurse on the Block

The NICU nurses have a long list of rules for holding our babies. Limit holding to one hour per day when they’re under the bile lights. Never hold the babies while you’re sick. Don’t rock them while they eat. Always be as gentle as possible with them, unlike Abbie who spends most of her day either encouraging us to rough her up or inventing new ways to injure assorted body parts on common household objects. I understand why these rules exist; preemies are fragile creatures in need of the ultimate in care if they’re to come home anytime soon so dad can quit putting wear and tear on his car driving to and from the hospital every day and start putting wear and tear on it driving to and from the doctor so often it feels like every day. I just wish the nurses would be consistent in their rules.

Yesterday, the twins had a nurse that I hadn’t met before, which isn’t a surprise. The twins always have a nurse I haven’t met before. In their 17 days of life, I estimate that more than 30 different nurses have looked after our babies. If the twins stay another 17 days, they’ll probably have another 30 different nurses. There must be thousands of NICU nurses roaming about this town; I had no idea that such a substantial proportion of Des Moines-area women worked as NICU nurses.*

This nursing carousel makes it difficult to know what to expect from the nurses when I go in every day. Some nurses are friendly and helpful. Some nurses are aloof and just doing their jobs. Some nurses usually work in the PICU and are just helping out. Some nurses need help interpreting their blood gasses.

Yesterday’s nurse seemed friendly, taking the time to update me on their status. But when I said I wanted to hold one, she threw a new rule at me: Cluster care. You see, preemies need their deep sleep. They spend a lot of energy fighting through their daily activities, keeping warm, sucking, and pooping. Hasn’t anybody mentioned this before? Every time we disturb them, we wake them from their deep sleep. I can’t believe nobody told you about cluster care. Therefore it’s very important that we only disturb them right before they eat, so they can awake for a productive feeding and spend the rest of their time in deep sleep. Somebody had to have told you about this.

Incredibly, nobody had told me about this. I wandered into the NICU that afternoon expecting to hold one of my children before feeding him during the precious little free time I had carved out of my day, and this nurse was adamant about letting them rest. Because deep sleep is evidently more important than bonding with a parent. It’s not like I wanted to take him jogging around the NICU, he’ll probably sleep in my lap the whole time. I can’t imagine those alarms that keep dinging all around him are any less disturbing than me picking him up anyway.

I was less than thrilled by the situation. Maybe it was having my plans dashed by yet another new nurse and her seemingly random rule. Maybe it was all the monitors chirping around me. Maybe it was the fact that the nurse was sitting in a parent’s recliner during her “down time” when I walked in. Whatever it was ticked me off, and I decided that if I couldn’t hold either one I might as well just go back home. Fortunately the nurse relented and let me hold Tory briefly before I fed him a little early.

Now I’m shifting my schedule, trying to arrive in the NICU just before their feeding. I want the twins home as soon as possible. I want to do what’s best for the twins. I just wish that what’s best didn’t change from nurse to nurse. Fortunately I’ll probably never see that nurse again. Unfortunately, the next nurse may have a different rule I know nothing about.

* I know it’s an outdated stereotype that all nurses are women, but all of these NICU nurses really are women. I think I’ve seen one male NICU nurse, but he’s never worked with our boys to my knowledge.