Immobile Diversion
When a family brings a baby into the world, there’s a lengthy list of essentials needed to care for that baby. If you’re not sure what should be on that list, fine retailers like Babies “R” Us are happy to provide you with one when you register. That way you know exactly what to acquire to give your child every advantage in the world, unless of course you don’t love your baby enough to want a decorative switch plate cover for the nursery.
One of the most extravagant items on such a list is the stationary entertainer. We usually call these monstrosities “exersaucers,” but it turns out that’s a brand name people use to refer to a category of products, like when people say “Kleenex” to refer to “tissue paper,” or “Vaseline” to refer to “petroleum jelly,” or “Band-Aid” to refer to a “band-aid.” People use these brand names because the product’s descriptive name is clunky and difficult to say and write, which I’m going to prove by using the term “stationary entertainer” throughout the rest of this post.
Stationary entertainers come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Sometimes they look like animals. Sometimes they look like cars. Sometimes they look like rocket ships, which is appropriate because they look like you need to be a rocket scientist to operate them. (Here is a link to Amazon’s stationary entertainers page if you want to see what they look like.) Because we love her, here is the one we bought for Abbie:
It has lots of toys including the small pieces of plastic produce seen on the bottom level, and a seat that rotates easily so the child can easily reach everything of interest. At least the modeled pictured has those features. We bought ours used at a garage sale so it’s missing some of the loose pieces, but the chair still rotates easily so long as there isn’t anything heavy like a child sitting in it and weighing it down. Besides those issues and the expected grime build-up on all used baby equipment, it works fine, and it’s a great way to prove my love for $10.
I had high hopes for this stationary entertainer. My dream was Abbie would spend her days building dexterity and coordination while I worked on important projects at her side. My fantasies were buoyed by reviews for other stationary entertainers that read like “My son loved this from the moment we set him in it! He spends all day in it and has the time of his life! In fact, he complains when we don’t put him in it! He starts classes at MIT this autumn, and this is the one thing he wants to bring with him!”
Alas, Abbie did not enjoy her stationary entertainer. I tried putting her in it while I worked on the computer, but she usually started complaining before the screen saver even disengaged. She showed very little interest in the squeaky lamb, the spinning cow, or the chewable scarecrow. We did however manage to manage to use it heavily for a month by filling the interior track with Tasteeos, letting her chase and gum them to death while we ate supper in peace by her side.
It’s disassembled now in her room, waiting for use from the twins. We left the top portion with the toys on the ground, and occasionally she wander over to it to squeak the lamb or spin the windmill before she realizes she’s stuck in the seat and whines until we can rescue her.
We also left the tractor detached from the base, which is the one part of her stationary entertainer that she enjoyed. She still loves it because when you push its smokestack, it plays one of 12 songs and the front grill twinkles. The songs are all children’s favorites like “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” “She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain (When She Comes),” and “A Tune I Don’t Recognize But It Must Be a Children’s Favorite (Or Else Why Would They Include It?).” When I need to rest my eyes after a session of extreme reading, I hand her the tractor and let her push away, singing the songs I know and humming the ones I don’t.
While she was playing with the tractor last night, the batteries started dying. I know when the batteries need to be changed because the sound becomes distorted and the music drops in pitch by a couple of keys. I took it from her hands to change the batteries because even if she didn’t notice, I did care that “Mary Had a Little Lamb” was keyed for a baritone. Of course as soon as I took it from her, she started screaming, and she screamed until I handed it back to her after changing the batteries. She gave me a headache, but at least the tractor stopped annoying me. She looked a little sullen afterwards, but perked up after I pointed out the Rainbow Fish switch plate cover in her nursery as proof that I still loved her.
One of the most extravagant items on such a list is the stationary entertainer. We usually call these monstrosities “exersaucers,” but it turns out that’s a brand name people use to refer to a category of products, like when people say “Kleenex” to refer to “tissue paper,” or “Vaseline” to refer to “petroleum jelly,” or “Band-Aid” to refer to a “band-aid.” People use these brand names because the product’s descriptive name is clunky and difficult to say and write, which I’m going to prove by using the term “stationary entertainer” throughout the rest of this post.
Stationary entertainers come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Sometimes they look like animals. Sometimes they look like cars. Sometimes they look like rocket ships, which is appropriate because they look like you need to be a rocket scientist to operate them. (Here is a link to Amazon’s stationary entertainers page if you want to see what they look like.) Because we love her, here is the one we bought for Abbie:
It has lots of toys including the small pieces of plastic produce seen on the bottom level, and a seat that rotates easily so the child can easily reach everything of interest. At least the modeled pictured has those features. We bought ours used at a garage sale so it’s missing some of the loose pieces, but the chair still rotates easily so long as there isn’t anything heavy like a child sitting in it and weighing it down. Besides those issues and the expected grime build-up on all used baby equipment, it works fine, and it’s a great way to prove my love for $10.
I had high hopes for this stationary entertainer. My dream was Abbie would spend her days building dexterity and coordination while I worked on important projects at her side. My fantasies were buoyed by reviews for other stationary entertainers that read like “My son loved this from the moment we set him in it! He spends all day in it and has the time of his life! In fact, he complains when we don’t put him in it! He starts classes at MIT this autumn, and this is the one thing he wants to bring with him!”
Alas, Abbie did not enjoy her stationary entertainer. I tried putting her in it while I worked on the computer, but she usually started complaining before the screen saver even disengaged. She showed very little interest in the squeaky lamb, the spinning cow, or the chewable scarecrow. We did however manage to manage to use it heavily for a month by filling the interior track with Tasteeos, letting her chase and gum them to death while we ate supper in peace by her side.
It’s disassembled now in her room, waiting for use from the twins. We left the top portion with the toys on the ground, and occasionally she wander over to it to squeak the lamb or spin the windmill before she realizes she’s stuck in the seat and whines until we can rescue her.
We also left the tractor detached from the base, which is the one part of her stationary entertainer that she enjoyed. She still loves it because when you push its smokestack, it plays one of 12 songs and the front grill twinkles. The songs are all children’s favorites like “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” “She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain (When She Comes),” and “A Tune I Don’t Recognize But It Must Be a Children’s Favorite (Or Else Why Would They Include It?).” When I need to rest my eyes after a session of extreme reading, I hand her the tractor and let her push away, singing the songs I know and humming the ones I don’t.
While she was playing with the tractor last night, the batteries started dying. I know when the batteries need to be changed because the sound becomes distorted and the music drops in pitch by a couple of keys. I took it from her hands to change the batteries because even if she didn’t notice, I did care that “Mary Had a Little Lamb” was keyed for a baritone. Of course as soon as I took it from her, she started screaming, and she screamed until I handed it back to her after changing the batteries. She gave me a headache, but at least the tractor stopped annoying me. She looked a little sullen afterwards, but perked up after I pointed out the Rainbow Fish switch plate cover in her nursery as proof that I still loved her.
posted by Matt at
9:24 PM
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