"...Get a good job with good pay and you're okay..."

Money is tight for us right now. Technically speaking money will be tight when the twins come. Right now we can continue in the free-spending ways we enjoy with Ellie working full-and-a-half time to support a family of three, one of whom is still too young to ask for anything. As enjoyable as it is to eat at Fazoli’s and Quizno’s in the same week, now is the time to save money for an uncertain future. It’s like that fable, “The Tortoise and the Hare,” where the Tortoise challenges the Hare to a race. The Hare accepts the race, and is so confident he’ll win that he spends the entire summer goofing off while the tortoise gathers nuts for the long winter. When the race begins, the Hare finds a thorn in his paw. Unable to remove it himself, he wants to hire a mouse to pull it out, but since he has no savings, he can only limp through the race and watch the Tortoise beat him. We need to be like the Tortoise who was smart enough to save for the future and find an easy mark to beat.

The twins could come literally any day now at this point, though hopefully not for several more weeks. They’re medically viable outside the womb right now, which is a scary thought since I could be caring for twins by this time next week. Of course when I say “I” I mean “the NICU,” but I’d have to pay for it. Of course when I say “it” I mean “the insurance deductible and co-pay,” but even a fraction of several weeks worth of NICU bills is enough to dwarf Ashton Kutcher’s alimony payments when he splits with Demi Moore.

Then there’s the prospect that Ellie could wind up on bed rest for weeks. She’d be unable to work, and we’d have to survive without her income. Even worse for her, she’d be unable to watch cable while lying in bed all day because that would be the first bill cut from the budget. Oh cruel irony.

Facing an uncertain future and tenuous finances, we spent yesterday doing what any rational couple would do: We went on a shopping spree. The nearby K-Mart was having a fall clearance sale, which they advertised with signs at major intersections held by men of varying levels of disheveledness. Contracting with the apparently homeless, or “Bumvertising” as “The Daily Show” taught me, worked since that was the fullest I’ve seen the store since Martha Stewart went to prison.

Inside we found five racks of clearanced baby and toddler clothes. A goodly amount, but I’m not sure it warranted the extensive Bumvertising. Ellie picked through the racks picking out several items while I chased Abbie through the boy’s underwear. While in the store we also picked up a pack of newborn diapers that was on sale because it’s never too early to stock up, and a potty that wasn’t on sale because, hey, I can dream, can’t I?

We also stopped at a classier (higher-priced) store while we enjoyed a wild Sunday afternoon on the town. Ellie peeled through the clearance rack, found nothing, and went straight to the Carter’s sleepers, which as luck would have it were on sale. She wanted to pick up some newborn sleepers. I told her that we already had a drawer full of sleepers in the 0-3 month size decorated with neither princesses nor flowers. She informed me that these were newborn sleepers, which are suitable for babies up to 8 pounds, which should last about two to four weeks. Unable to argue with that logic, I had her pick up a pair.

We stopped at the toys on the way out. There we picked up a $30 toy set clearanced for $10. It’s for ages 18 months and up, but that’s okay since we’re going to save it for Christmas. Even if mommy ends up stuck in bed and the twins land in the NICU for weeks, Abbie will still have something to open on Christmas morning. And since she’s too young to remember us buying it right in front of her, it will be a complete surprise.