Registration Required
We have now registered for baby gifts at two different stores, so you have no excuse for not knowing what we want. In case you’re unfamiliar with the process, you go to a participating store, tell them you wish to start a baby registry, and they will congratulate you, register you, and loan you a scanning gun to add baby essentials to your registry such as bottles for feeding, diapers for changing, and 12-packs of Mountain Dew for staying awake during late night feedings and changings. Your friends and coerced acquaintances can then visit any store in that chain, or even the chain’s website, and print off a list of items we want before deciding nothing on the list is in their price range and just buying us a gift card anyway. This service is free as long as you don’t consider the price of giving your personal information so they can bombard you with advertising, and sell your information to other companies who will in turn bombard you with advertising. Much of this advertising contains coupons, though, so it’s like you’re being paid for your personal information anyway.
We registered at Babies Backwards R Us* Saturday night. Ellie had some free time and thought this would be an enjoyable way to spend the evening. Abbie missed her books, her animals, and her woodchips, and decided to spend the night whining with extreme boredom, at times breaking down into tears from the tedium.
We sat down with the helpful registration assistant. I like to throw out the fact that we’re having twins to every retailer in the hopes that one of them will say “you’re having twins? Then please, accept this generous gift basket filled with coupons, formula, diapers, and a helper monkey.” Unfortunately they offered nothing more helpful than 10%-off the purchase of two identical large items, like car seats and cribs, or a double item, like double-strollers. They did not offer a reason for why they don’t just mark down double items by 10% in the first place. The register did offer some empathy when, after noticing Abbie, she remarked, “my daughter is 19-months, and I couldn’t imagine trying to take care of her and newborn twins.” Thanks for the reminder of our impending hell.
They gave us a list of about 140 items with the title “must haves!” The title is obviously sarcastic, but I doubt many people understand that since sarcasm doesn’t translate well into print. Thanks to Abbie, we got the joke and could ignore the frivolous items (that means you, bottle warmer), plus we already had many of the really must have items. Mostly we registered for duplicates of things we knew we’d need more of, like crib bedding and a nursing pillow (but not the unfortunately named “My Brest Friend”). We also registered for a lot of things that Abbie could use soon or even right now, like a stepstool, and just hoped that no one notices or is at least not offended that the twins won’t use it for many months.
We realize that not every town has a Babies Backward R Us, though they are in many large cities like Omaha, so we also registered at a more ubiquitous store, Target.** I had to register there by myself yesterday since Ellie was on call, which means that she has to spend 24 hours ready to work at the hospital on a moment’s notice in case they need her (yesterday they needed her for about 23:45 of those 24 hours). I tried dropping the “twins” bomb when I registered, but all the only help I got was advice to be sure that I register for the proper number of items. Doubtlessly lost on the clerk was the irony that if I couldn’t figure out that one on my own, I’d be in a lot of trouble when the twins came.
I was by myself and Abbie was whiny, so I had to move faster than the Bears move through starting quarterbacks. I zoomed through the aisles registering for must have items that I hadn’t yet registered for. Lots of clothes and bibs made the list because I now realize I can never have too many of those. I registered for a closet full of wipes because I know I’ll use them. We went down the toy aisle and anything that distracted Abbie long enough for her to quit complaining made the list. In my haste, a bottle warmer may have also made the list, but if we get it I can exchange it for an actual “must have,” like a couple cases of Mountain Dew Code Red.
* Motto: “Lots of material goods to prove your love.”
** Motto: “Some of Wal-Mart’s low prices, none of the anti-pr campaign guilt.”
We registered at Babies Backwards R Us* Saturday night. Ellie had some free time and thought this would be an enjoyable way to spend the evening. Abbie missed her books, her animals, and her woodchips, and decided to spend the night whining with extreme boredom, at times breaking down into tears from the tedium.
We sat down with the helpful registration assistant. I like to throw out the fact that we’re having twins to every retailer in the hopes that one of them will say “you’re having twins? Then please, accept this generous gift basket filled with coupons, formula, diapers, and a helper monkey.” Unfortunately they offered nothing more helpful than 10%-off the purchase of two identical large items, like car seats and cribs, or a double item, like double-strollers. They did not offer a reason for why they don’t just mark down double items by 10% in the first place. The register did offer some empathy when, after noticing Abbie, she remarked, “my daughter is 19-months, and I couldn’t imagine trying to take care of her and newborn twins.” Thanks for the reminder of our impending hell.
They gave us a list of about 140 items with the title “must haves!” The title is obviously sarcastic, but I doubt many people understand that since sarcasm doesn’t translate well into print. Thanks to Abbie, we got the joke and could ignore the frivolous items (that means you, bottle warmer), plus we already had many of the really must have items. Mostly we registered for duplicates of things we knew we’d need more of, like crib bedding and a nursing pillow (but not the unfortunately named “My Brest Friend”). We also registered for a lot of things that Abbie could use soon or even right now, like a stepstool, and just hoped that no one notices or is at least not offended that the twins won’t use it for many months.
We realize that not every town has a Babies Backward R Us, though they are in many large cities like Omaha, so we also registered at a more ubiquitous store, Target.** I had to register there by myself yesterday since Ellie was on call, which means that she has to spend 24 hours ready to work at the hospital on a moment’s notice in case they need her (yesterday they needed her for about 23:45 of those 24 hours). I tried dropping the “twins” bomb when I registered, but all the only help I got was advice to be sure that I register for the proper number of items. Doubtlessly lost on the clerk was the irony that if I couldn’t figure out that one on my own, I’d be in a lot of trouble when the twins came.
I was by myself and Abbie was whiny, so I had to move faster than the Bears move through starting quarterbacks. I zoomed through the aisles registering for must have items that I hadn’t yet registered for. Lots of clothes and bibs made the list because I now realize I can never have too many of those. I registered for a closet full of wipes because I know I’ll use them. We went down the toy aisle and anything that distracted Abbie long enough for her to quit complaining made the list. In my haste, a bottle warmer may have also made the list, but if we get it I can exchange it for an actual “must have,” like a couple cases of Mountain Dew Code Red.
* Motto: “Lots of material goods to prove your love.”
** Motto: “Some of Wal-Mart’s low prices, none of the anti-pr campaign guilt.”
posted by Matt at
9:38 PM
2 Comments:
Do you know anybody in Omaha that has any expendable cash? Don't need to be in a big city though; I scoped out your registrations on both target.com and babiesrus.com. Doesnt look like you guys where thinking very expensive. How much of this stuff will you really get? How about a donation in your new son's names to the help the people in Louisiana.
By
Anonymous, at 6:49 PM
I don't think I know anyone in Omaha with expendable cash. I was just throwing Omaha out there as an example. I thought we registered for plenty of expensive stuff. I think we registered for a $350 stroller/car seat set. That's pretty expensive. Of course, if you want to give us more expensive gifts, you can always combine several inexpensive items into one mega-gift.
And how about that hurricane? That's pretty awful that a major American city and about half of Mississippi have been wiped off the map. Donations to the relief effort in our names would make an excellent gift.
By
Matt, at 9:32 PM
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