North vs South
It’s exciting watching the boys grow and seeing their personalities emerge. Despite their status as twins, I can see they’re different people. Tory is assertive. Ian is more laid back, more willing to take whatever life hands him, more willing to go limp until his sister quits sitting on him.
I can clearly see this difference at the dinner table. Ian will sit anywhere, accept anything on his tray, and sit quietly until he notices that his siblings can escape their chair by screaming. Ian doesn’t eat everything on his tray, or even much of anything, but at least I can trust him to not be the first child to throw a fit at mealtime.
By contrast, Tory has cultivated some quirks at mealtime. It started with his chair position. We have a rectangular dinner table, and I’ve always put Abbie at the head on the east side of the table. There she can set a good example for her brothers, demonstrating how to use a spoon, how to ask for seconds, and how to best throw a plate to grab my attention. The boys’ chairs are on the north and south side. I rotate the boys between these chairs to keep their view moving, and to help them develop individual personalities, specifically the personality traits that come from not knowing exactly where you’ll sit before each meal. Plus I wanted to avoid favoritism because lord knows children can find a reason why one chair is better than the others.
In retrospect, that seemed a little silly. Children thrive on routine, and probably want to sit in the same chair for every meal. Tory tried reminding me of his preference for a routine by walking to the south chair before every meal. I switched him a few times, forcing him to sit in the north chair.
Tory rewarded my efforts to be fair by throwing mealtime tantrums. He would kick, scream, and thrash inconsolably in his chair. These tantrums continued until all his food on the floor, and he’d spent several minutes in room as punishment. I didn’t connect the dots immediately, but eventually I realized that every time he threw a mealtime tantrum, he was sitting in the north chair. I’ve now given up, and started sitting the boys in the same chair for every meal. Until Ian complains, that’s the way it’ll stay.
After a few days, though, Tory resumed throwing his mealtime tantrums. Instead of screaming as soon as I sat him, he screamed as soon as I put the tray in front of him. I dug in, knowing he should be happy in that seat, and let him scream it out. He continued screaming, and asserted his food all over the floor, resulting in the inevitable punishment. After a few meals of this havoc, I noticed that he liked picking off his tray while it sat on the table during my run-around-the-kitchen-cleaning-the-food-before-they-throw-it phase of mealtime.
At the next meal I sat his tray on the table, and let him stand in an adult chair while he picked his entire meal off his tray. He uttered no complaints, and hopped down when done, saving me the trouble of releasing him from his high chair. So it was a win-win all around. I still trying sitting him at meals, but I give up and let him stand as soon as he complains and before he has a chance to launch his plate at me. He’s been watching Abbie, and knows that throwing it in the middle of the floor is the best place to get my attention. Now that Tory has asserted his mealtime preferences, I just need Ian to somehow tell me what sort of food I could place on his tray that he’d eat.
I can clearly see this difference at the dinner table. Ian will sit anywhere, accept anything on his tray, and sit quietly until he notices that his siblings can escape their chair by screaming. Ian doesn’t eat everything on his tray, or even much of anything, but at least I can trust him to not be the first child to throw a fit at mealtime.
By contrast, Tory has cultivated some quirks at mealtime. It started with his chair position. We have a rectangular dinner table, and I’ve always put Abbie at the head on the east side of the table. There she can set a good example for her brothers, demonstrating how to use a spoon, how to ask for seconds, and how to best throw a plate to grab my attention. The boys’ chairs are on the north and south side. I rotate the boys between these chairs to keep their view moving, and to help them develop individual personalities, specifically the personality traits that come from not knowing exactly where you’ll sit before each meal. Plus I wanted to avoid favoritism because lord knows children can find a reason why one chair is better than the others.
In retrospect, that seemed a little silly. Children thrive on routine, and probably want to sit in the same chair for every meal. Tory tried reminding me of his preference for a routine by walking to the south chair before every meal. I switched him a few times, forcing him to sit in the north chair.
Tory rewarded my efforts to be fair by throwing mealtime tantrums. He would kick, scream, and thrash inconsolably in his chair. These tantrums continued until all his food on the floor, and he’d spent several minutes in room as punishment. I didn’t connect the dots immediately, but eventually I realized that every time he threw a mealtime tantrum, he was sitting in the north chair. I’ve now given up, and started sitting the boys in the same chair for every meal. Until Ian complains, that’s the way it’ll stay.
After a few days, though, Tory resumed throwing his mealtime tantrums. Instead of screaming as soon as I sat him, he screamed as soon as I put the tray in front of him. I dug in, knowing he should be happy in that seat, and let him scream it out. He continued screaming, and asserted his food all over the floor, resulting in the inevitable punishment. After a few meals of this havoc, I noticed that he liked picking off his tray while it sat on the table during my run-around-the-kitchen-cleaning-the-food-before-they-throw-it phase of mealtime.
At the next meal I sat his tray on the table, and let him stand in an adult chair while he picked his entire meal off his tray. He uttered no complaints, and hopped down when done, saving me the trouble of releasing him from his high chair. So it was a win-win all around. I still trying sitting him at meals, but I give up and let him stand as soon as he complains and before he has a chance to launch his plate at me. He’s been watching Abbie, and knows that throwing it in the middle of the floor is the best place to get my attention. Now that Tory has asserted his mealtime preferences, I just need Ian to somehow tell me what sort of food I could place on his tray that he’d eat.
posted by Matt at
11:51 PM
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