Everything I Need to Know I Learned at the Pediatrician
We went to the doctor yesterday for Ian’s illness. This is the common parental reaction when a child is sick. Not that we went to the doctor at any point over the past month as nasty bugs swarmed their sinuses. Maybe I’m an abnormal parent. Ellie, the normal one, therefore became involved, and ordered us to the doctor. She saw that he has an ear infection, and that can lead to serious consequences if left untreated. It can also lead to 7-10 days worth of yummy bubble gum flavored amoxicillin.
I learned several things on yesterday’s visit. First, the soonest I can reach the doctor now is about 9:10am, so don’t make appointments for earlier than that. Like a 13-year-old girl headed to a Sanjaya Malakar autograph appearance, I was determined to leave the house early yesterday morning. I shoveled food into everyone. I wiped bottoms with super speed and alarmingly low accuracy. I attached shoes without taking the time to ensure everyone wore their own shoes. I still needed over an hour to leave the house.
Second, make more appointments for Tuesdays. For some reason, I usually wind up with Monday morning appointments, a time when the waiting room is full. Literally, tens of people pack the waiting room on Mondays after they or their whiny kids came down with something on Saturday. These people had to deal with it all weekend, and couldn’t wait to see the doctor. Since my whiny kid came down with his bug on Monday, I walked in on Tuesday to an almost empty waiting room, and therefore, almost no wait.
Third, we’ve reached that exciting point where Abbie starts saying embarrassing things. As we waited for the receptionist to check us in, Abbie kept pointing to crud stuck on her desk and exclaimed “dirty.” This discovery could’ve happened in a more embarrassing occasion, such as Abbie incorrectly labeling something/one a dog. Nevertheless, I doubt the receptionist appreciated Abbie pointing out the poor job that she or the janitor did in scraping off that gum last month. She probably appreciated me encouraging Abbie’s language skills even less.
Fourth, even when you’re certain it’s an ear infection, it might not be an ear infection. Ellie checked Ian’s ears and saw fluid. The pediatrician checked his ears and declared them normal. Irritated, but normal. He speculated that it was something viral. Ian has few symptoms now, just a fever and general grumpiness, but soon he’ll show more symptoms such as vomiting and diarrhea. Goodie.
Fifth, if you want to make a doctor laugh, ask him what you can do to prevent a disease from spreading between children. I did, and he almost doubled-over, straining to explain that once a kid is symptomatic, it’s too late. Just keep everyone comfortable and hope for the best. If things get worse, come back. Maybe then we can get some bubble gum-flavored amoxicillin.
BONUS RANT
When a network calls itself Nick Jr., why do you need a doctorate in space-time mechanics to figure out their schedule?
My DVR listings say “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8am central this week. My newspaper listings say “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8am central this week. Nick Jr. says “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8:30am this week.
A couple days ago, they displayed a message at the bottom of the screen during the credits for “SpongeBob SquarePants” at 7:59am saying that “Dora the Explorer” was next. They then showed “Go, Diego, Go!” a minute later. Not even people who work there can figure out their schedule.
I learned several things on yesterday’s visit. First, the soonest I can reach the doctor now is about 9:10am, so don’t make appointments for earlier than that. Like a 13-year-old girl headed to a Sanjaya Malakar autograph appearance, I was determined to leave the house early yesterday morning. I shoveled food into everyone. I wiped bottoms with super speed and alarmingly low accuracy. I attached shoes without taking the time to ensure everyone wore their own shoes. I still needed over an hour to leave the house.
Second, make more appointments for Tuesdays. For some reason, I usually wind up with Monday morning appointments, a time when the waiting room is full. Literally, tens of people pack the waiting room on Mondays after they or their whiny kids came down with something on Saturday. These people had to deal with it all weekend, and couldn’t wait to see the doctor. Since my whiny kid came down with his bug on Monday, I walked in on Tuesday to an almost empty waiting room, and therefore, almost no wait.
Third, we’ve reached that exciting point where Abbie starts saying embarrassing things. As we waited for the receptionist to check us in, Abbie kept pointing to crud stuck on her desk and exclaimed “dirty.” This discovery could’ve happened in a more embarrassing occasion, such as Abbie incorrectly labeling something/one a dog. Nevertheless, I doubt the receptionist appreciated Abbie pointing out the poor job that she or the janitor did in scraping off that gum last month. She probably appreciated me encouraging Abbie’s language skills even less.
Fourth, even when you’re certain it’s an ear infection, it might not be an ear infection. Ellie checked Ian’s ears and saw fluid. The pediatrician checked his ears and declared them normal. Irritated, but normal. He speculated that it was something viral. Ian has few symptoms now, just a fever and general grumpiness, but soon he’ll show more symptoms such as vomiting and diarrhea. Goodie.
Fifth, if you want to make a doctor laugh, ask him what you can do to prevent a disease from spreading between children. I did, and he almost doubled-over, straining to explain that once a kid is symptomatic, it’s too late. Just keep everyone comfortable and hope for the best. If things get worse, come back. Maybe then we can get some bubble gum-flavored amoxicillin.
BONUS RANT
When a network calls itself Nick Jr., why do you need a doctorate in space-time mechanics to figure out their schedule?
My DVR listings say “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8am central this week. My newspaper listings say “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8am central this week. Nick Jr. says “Dora the Explorer” is on at 8:30am this week.
A couple days ago, they displayed a message at the bottom of the screen during the credits for “SpongeBob SquarePants” at 7:59am saying that “Dora the Explorer” was next. They then showed “Go, Diego, Go!” a minute later. Not even people who work there can figure out their schedule.
posted by Matt at
11:20 PM
3 Comments:
I teach space-time mechanics and can't figure out their schedule. Rio watches "The Backyardigans" and they seem to skip it certain days. Even if my guide says it is on, it is something she doesn't like. Try their website, it seems pretty up to date.
By
Anonymous, at 8:43 AM
I checked their website last night. It said Dora is on at 8:30. I swear I changed my VCR timer to record at 8:30. What was on the tape this morning? Diego.
By
Matt, at 12:22 PM
To be fair, I discovered a little later that I didn't rewind the tape far enough. Dora was on at the correct time, or at least the time they said it would be, and I recorded it.
By
Matt, at 10:59 PM
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