After the Rain

Here in Iowa, much of the local news revolves around its effect on agriculture. This despite the fact that we have fewer farms than ever, and most of those are managed in absentia by politicians who are trying to pass themselves off as family farmers, despite working other more lucrative occupations. When the fair arrives, the media swoons over its bovine aspects, like the big steer contest, the hot beef sundaes, and the butter cow, a life-size cow sculpted entirely out of butter.* When gasoline prices rise, the media uncovers their affect on ethanol. When Lance Armstrong bikes across the state, the media discovers what kind of pie he bought from which farmwife.

Nowhere is this agricultural angle to the local news more evident than in the weather. That makes sense since the weather always has an effect on the crops, usually detrimental. Thanks to the public radio station I keep tuned all day long to preserve my sanity, I know the weather’s affect on the crops, along with the current SOI.

I bring this up because the weather has a similar effect on agriculture and my kids. When the temperature is too cold for anything to grow, it’s too cold for the kids to play outside. When the temperature turns hot, the crops need extra water and so do my kids after playing outside. When rain soaks the land, crops don’t like being in standing water, and I don’t like my kids being in standing water.** When the weather is nice, plenty of warm sunshine, daytime temperatures in the mid-80’s, and nighttime temperatures in the mid-60’s, that’s when the crops grow best,*** and that’s when I love taking the kids outside to play.

The one weather type that crops and kids don’t equally enjoy is a gentle rain, which has been our weather for the past week. This is the kind of rain that begins early in the day, say right about the time the kids wake up, and continues off and on throughout the day until around bedtime. Every time I see the rain begin to fall again, I can hear rejoicing from the fields as the drink their fill, recovering from the damage of our brutal July weather, while replenishing the ground water for next year’s crops. At least I probably could hear such rejoicing if my children weren’t screaming.

A little rain can make the grass wet for hours. This isn’t a problem for Abbie the biped whose shoes or bare feet will dry quickly. It is however a problem for the twins who tend to move on the knees of their outfits when they crawl, especially Tory who doesn’t so much crawl as he does the butterfly stroke through the grass. The result can be soaking wet outfits even though their diapers are still holding.

A little more rain creates mud for several hours. Now the boys pick up muck along with the water on their outfits. Mud also creates problems for Abbie when she inevitably falls and cakes mud on her clothes. That much water also ruins the park experience as the woodchips meant to cushion falls around the playground equipment start congealing into a mud-like substance. If Abbie falls near the swings, she’ll rise with woodchip detritus on her pants. That much water also creates friction, rendering the slide unslidable, and leaves standing water on horizontal equipment like the merry-go-round, and that tunnel that Abbie never notices unless it contains standing water.

Worst of all, the rain results in mushrooms all over our backyard. These things leave a nasty stain when a boy drags his outfit through one. They also look dangerous to me, and tasty to the boys. Whether or not they’re poisonous, I die a little inside each time I turn around to find a fungus hanging out of a boy’s mouth. I hate those things, but I should expect them when everything else grows in this weather.

* I am, sadly, not making up any of those.
** They like being in standing water, but that’s not the point.
*** That also means everyone else’s crops will produce a higher yield, driving down the price, but that has no correlation to parenting.