"I want something that says people can have a nice relaxing time." "Madman Moe's Pressure Cooker?"

We needed to pick up some Vital Supplies last night. We decided that as long as we were out, we might as well get something to eat. Before we Abbie came, we ate out frequently, probably at least twice a week. We ate at fancy places too, often with the word “Bistro” in the name, or maybe they were named after an ambiguous friendly sounding person, like “Dave’s,” “Joe’s,” or “O’Sarsgaard’s,” names meant to mask the indifferent corporate owners.

When Abbie arrived, we stopped going to the fancy restaurants. We had a few reasons, starting with our fancy restaurant money morphing into diaper money. Just as importantly, we discovered that entering a sit-down environment where a meal can take upwards of an hour is a bad idea with an infant. I learned to spend half that time feeding her, but the other half we spent taking turns walking with her around the restaurant’s exterior to keep her entertained and the restaurant staff from serving our meals in to-go boxes. Once she could eat table food, life became slightly easier, but not by much since asking a pre-preschooler to sit still for an hour is like asking Brad and Jen to reunite: It just isn’t going to happen. Eventually we discovered fast food, which has the advantages of being faster,* cheaper, and more child-friendly than fancy restaurants.

When the twins came, just getting out of the house was a challenge; trying to eat out could be impossible. Just do the math. If they start screaming, I can entertain one child, and Ellie can entertain another child. That leaves one child, probably Abbie, left to fend for herself, and she usually gets pretty ticked off after she’s thrown her sippy cup on the floor.

Nevertheless, I felt confident that I could coordinate a meal for all five of us last night. The twins are on a good schedule, so they’ll sleep while we eat at 5:30, Abbie’s normal mealtime. We’ll buy our supplies, and stop for ice cream on the way home at 7pm, the twins’ normal mealtime. The plan was perfect; we just needed a restaurant.

Ellie wanted a sub from Quizno’s, which sounded good to me. The problem is Quizno’s serves nothing but sandwiches, which are beyond Abbie’s current eating abilities. She’s still on the “mush” or “small, easily chewed chunk” foods. McDonald’s is perfect for these foods, but there’s nothing we want to eat at McDonald’s. Our solution was to drive to a McDonald’s, buy Abbie’s food at the drive-thru, drive to the Quizno’s next door, and eat our subs in there while Abbie eats her foreign food.

The plan worked surprisingly well. I was worried that we wouldn’t have room for the twins with Quizno’s notoriously small tables, but we managed to fit without placing anyone on the floor. We moved quickly, bought our supplies, and made it to ice cream just as the twins were waking up and demanding their milk very vociferously. Ellie and I ordered ice cream, we shared our excess frozen goodness with Abbie, while we set up the Podees to feed the twins.** Another patron stopped me in the restaurant to comment on how cute we looked with the parents on the outside, and three children being fed on the middle. I thanked her, and realized that maybe we could eat out occasionally with a little luck and a lot of planning. I just don’t think I’ll attempt to enter any bistros anytime soon.

* Duh.
* Thanks, Cindy.