Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
We lost a dear friend recently, a close friend who had been with us since Abbie’s birth. Everywhere we traveled, our friend was at our side. Whenever we needed a diaper or a toy, our friend had one ready to go. A horrible accident involving shattered glass took our friend from us. I knew something was wrong when I discovered an orange chunky mess oozing from a pocket. Yes, our diaper bag was a wonderful friend, but I wish it were waterproof so it wouldn’t have leaked baby food all over the kitchen.
On our last trip to see the grandparents, apparently the diaper bag received some rough treatment. Maybe I threw it in the car too hard. Maybe it fell onto concrete when I unloaded the car. Maybe the car’s contents shifted during the drive and one of Abbie’s toys or books or 27,528,454,025 other travel essentials fell on the bag wrong. Maybe it finally wanted to be put out of its misery. Regardless of how it happened, a jar of baby food stashed in the bag’s bottom shattered, spreading glass shards and carroty goodness throughout the bag and its contents.
Fortunately, most baby toys are plastic and washable, meaning I could salvage them after rinsing and putting them through the kitchen sink with the rest of the day’s dirty dishes. The only contents at risk of being ruined were the diapers, which stayed clean by floating at the top above the goo, and a couple of beloved board books, which were sadly doomed by a thick coat of carrot puree and glass.
I originally wanted to try to save the diaper bag. It’s machine washable, so I just had to wipe it out and throw it in a load of darks (preferably not underwear in case I missed a few shards). We’d been through a lot together, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. We even had a nifty story about how we got it. It was a shower present from Ellie’s aunt, and thoughtfully came with a gift receipt just in case we needed to return it. Shortly after receiving it but before using it, we found the exact same diaper bag in the store, but this one was in the clearance rack. Ellie devised the ingenious idea of buying the clearanced diaper bag, and returning it for full price with the gift receipt. I thought this idea was dishonest if not dangerously close to stealing despite my inherent cheapskateness. Ellie though said her aunt would be proud of us for making such an exchange, and far be it for me to dishonor her aunt’s wishes.
Ellie pointed out cleaning it would be unpleasant, possibly dangerous to my hands, and probably fatal to the bag since its stuffing was already leaking out of large interior tears. We should just let it go she said, especially since, much like my car, we needed to replace it with a bigger version once the twins came anyway. In spite of my aforementioned cheapskateness, I agreed, and off we went to buy the super new diaper bag we registered for long ago.
Sadly the store was sold out of that model. The store said they would have another shipment in a week, and we decided that that specific diaper bag was super enough to warrant waiting a week. In the meantime I limped through life and the grocery store with our spare “compact” diaper bag. This bag was another shower gift that we held onto in case we needed an extra bag, but it’s small, so small that I only had room to carry one of Abbie’s two orbiteethers.
After a week of coping, we found our super new diaper bag in stock. We picked it up, brought it home, loaded it up, and remembered why it’s so super. For starters, it’s huge, much larger than the original diaper bag, with three zippered main compartments. That’s one compartment for toys and books, one compartment for diaper paraphernalia, and one compartment for, um, I don’t know, a small pet rodent or something. I’ll find a use. I emptied the contents of the compact diaper bag into the new super bag, and still had one empty compartment and two compartments with plenty of spare room.
It has three zippered side compartments. No more will I have to fear my checkbook or, more importantly, my coupons falling out of a zipperless pocket. It has a “mini fridge,” a small zippered insulated pouch to keep food cold. Sadly, I tried it last night and discovered that the only way it could keep milk fresh is if the ambient temperature happened to be 33 degrees. Still, it’s pretty cool to say that my diaper bag has a mini fridge. It has three removable pouches; two mesh pouches for storing clothes I suppose, one solid pouch for storing glass jars to prevent a repeat of the same fate that killed its predecessor. It has a cushioned changing pad for when I have to change someone on the floor of a gas station restroom. It has a clip-on pacifier holder pouch in case one of Abbie’s brothers likes pacifiers more than she did. Its color scheme ranges from blue to dark blue, a manly color scheme that insures no one will mistake it for a purse in spite of the bag’s packaging that claims it has “mom’s favorite features.” Most importantly, it has a cushioned shoulder strap, preventing the strap from digging into my shoulder when the bag is loaded with pacifiers, a cushioned changing pad, a mini fridge stocked with multiple bottles of milk, a checkbook, coupons, toys, books, diaper paraphernalia, and potentially a small pet rodent. And a couple jars of baby food I suppose, but only if they’re encased in the solid pouch.
On our last trip to see the grandparents, apparently the diaper bag received some rough treatment. Maybe I threw it in the car too hard. Maybe it fell onto concrete when I unloaded the car. Maybe the car’s contents shifted during the drive and one of Abbie’s toys or books or 27,528,454,025 other travel essentials fell on the bag wrong. Maybe it finally wanted to be put out of its misery. Regardless of how it happened, a jar of baby food stashed in the bag’s bottom shattered, spreading glass shards and carroty goodness throughout the bag and its contents.
Fortunately, most baby toys are plastic and washable, meaning I could salvage them after rinsing and putting them through the kitchen sink with the rest of the day’s dirty dishes. The only contents at risk of being ruined were the diapers, which stayed clean by floating at the top above the goo, and a couple of beloved board books, which were sadly doomed by a thick coat of carrot puree and glass.
I originally wanted to try to save the diaper bag. It’s machine washable, so I just had to wipe it out and throw it in a load of darks (preferably not underwear in case I missed a few shards). We’d been through a lot together, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. We even had a nifty story about how we got it. It was a shower present from Ellie’s aunt, and thoughtfully came with a gift receipt just in case we needed to return it. Shortly after receiving it but before using it, we found the exact same diaper bag in the store, but this one was in the clearance rack. Ellie devised the ingenious idea of buying the clearanced diaper bag, and returning it for full price with the gift receipt. I thought this idea was dishonest if not dangerously close to stealing despite my inherent cheapskateness. Ellie though said her aunt would be proud of us for making such an exchange, and far be it for me to dishonor her aunt’s wishes.
Ellie pointed out cleaning it would be unpleasant, possibly dangerous to my hands, and probably fatal to the bag since its stuffing was already leaking out of large interior tears. We should just let it go she said, especially since, much like my car, we needed to replace it with a bigger version once the twins came anyway. In spite of my aforementioned cheapskateness, I agreed, and off we went to buy the super new diaper bag we registered for long ago.
Sadly the store was sold out of that model. The store said they would have another shipment in a week, and we decided that that specific diaper bag was super enough to warrant waiting a week. In the meantime I limped through life and the grocery store with our spare “compact” diaper bag. This bag was another shower gift that we held onto in case we needed an extra bag, but it’s small, so small that I only had room to carry one of Abbie’s two orbiteethers.
After a week of coping, we found our super new diaper bag in stock. We picked it up, brought it home, loaded it up, and remembered why it’s so super. For starters, it’s huge, much larger than the original diaper bag, with three zippered main compartments. That’s one compartment for toys and books, one compartment for diaper paraphernalia, and one compartment for, um, I don’t know, a small pet rodent or something. I’ll find a use. I emptied the contents of the compact diaper bag into the new super bag, and still had one empty compartment and two compartments with plenty of spare room.
It has three zippered side compartments. No more will I have to fear my checkbook or, more importantly, my coupons falling out of a zipperless pocket. It has a “mini fridge,” a small zippered insulated pouch to keep food cold. Sadly, I tried it last night and discovered that the only way it could keep milk fresh is if the ambient temperature happened to be 33 degrees. Still, it’s pretty cool to say that my diaper bag has a mini fridge. It has three removable pouches; two mesh pouches for storing clothes I suppose, one solid pouch for storing glass jars to prevent a repeat of the same fate that killed its predecessor. It has a cushioned changing pad for when I have to change someone on the floor of a gas station restroom. It has a clip-on pacifier holder pouch in case one of Abbie’s brothers likes pacifiers more than she did. Its color scheme ranges from blue to dark blue, a manly color scheme that insures no one will mistake it for a purse in spite of the bag’s packaging that claims it has “mom’s favorite features.” Most importantly, it has a cushioned shoulder strap, preventing the strap from digging into my shoulder when the bag is loaded with pacifiers, a cushioned changing pad, a mini fridge stocked with multiple bottles of milk, a checkbook, coupons, toys, books, diaper paraphernalia, and potentially a small pet rodent. And a couple jars of baby food I suppose, but only if they’re encased in the solid pouch.
posted by Matt at
9:50 PM
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