A Brave New Unscheduled World

Abbie’s new variable nap system is wrecking havoc on my daily schedule. As a reminder, I’m letting Abbie sleep as long as she can for her first nap to transition her from two naps to one. Sometimes she naps for about 90 minutes and wakes up about 1:45pm as I’m stepping out of the shower, forcing me to dress and make her lunch as fast as I can, which usually results in me wearing sopping wet clothes since I mostly skipped the towel dry phase, but at least her unexpected awakening gives me a good excuse for not shaving that day. On these days I have to put her down for a brief second nap before supper and hope she actually sleeps instead of screaming for a full half-hour. Other times she keeps napping, giving me adequate time for a proper towel dry, a thorough shaving, and a complete application of shredded toilet paper to stop the facial bleeding. On these days, she can nap well past 3pm, which throws a kink in any plans I may have that day to venture out that day to purchase any Vital Supplies or frozen custard. I prefer to go out in the afternoon instead of the morning because Abbie is usually crankier in the afternoon, and shopping for Vital Supplies is a good way to keep her entertained. Plus the frozen custard is that much sweeter in the hot afternoon sun.

Yesterday I actually had an important errand that had to be done that day: Ellie had a bridal shower to attend that night and between all the Vital Supplies and rummage sale goodies we’ve had to sift through, we haven’t had time to buy a gift yet. I planned a wondrous afternoon trip for Abbie and I to the nearby mall to search for the perfect shower gift, “perfect” defined as “the item that comes closest to without exceeding $X on their gift registry at the mall-based big box store.” While in the big box store I could buy my Vital Supplies, cat litter among other things in this case, and then spend the rest of the afternoon blissfully playing in the mall playground until I had to take care of other things at 4:20, specifically head home to make dinner and prepare the present for the shower. The past two days she had only napped about 90 minutes, so I anticipated this pattern continuing for another day, giving us a solid couple hours to spend at the mall. When 2pm hit and she was still asleep, I expected to hear her rustling at any second. I checked the internet for a while, and when 2:30pm passed, I started eliminating potential stops in the mall; I wouldn’t be purchasing any books or obscenely large frosted cookies on this trip. At 3pm, Ellie called to see what I bought. That, and her job was driving her crazy and she needed to talk to someone who was dealing with even more whining. I told her I hadn’t even left the house yet since Abbie was still asleep, but she could be assured that I would find the nicest gift possible selling for under $X.

Finally around 3:15pm, after a three-plus-hour nap that would make our cats jealous, Abbie woke up. The dog helped wake her by barking ferociously at a suspicious plastic bag blowing past the house, which could be the first time I haven’t wanted to kill the dog in such a situation. I scrambled to fill her with a super late lunch, waited the requisite five minutes for her post-lunch poop to change her diaper, and threw her in the car. Our leisurely afternoon at the mall had turned into a half-hour sprint through the big box store. Just to ensure that we moved quickly, I left her diaper bag filled with all manner of Abbie entertainment in the car, making her boredom-induced whining a constant reminder that I needed to move. I found a gift, found a card, found the cat litter, and found an empty checkout lane. It was good that the lane was wide open because the time was already 4:20, and you know what 4:20 means. I need to head home to make supper.