Abbie & Ian & Tory Update

Oops

2009-08-10T22:40:00.002-05:00

A couple days ago, the children broke the ceiling light cover in Abbie's room. I'm not entirely sure how they did it, but it involved swinging blankets at it. Abbie was okay with the new look for a day, but eventually the exposed bulb creeped her out and she demanded a new light cover.

We drove to the local home improvement store, bought a new cover for about $5, and brought it home. Abbie was so excited to have her cover back she asked for it as soon as we pulled into the garage. I told her just a minute, and carried the cover into the house with many other things. On the way in, I banged the cover against a chair and shattered it.

I guess I'll have to spend another $5 tomorrow.

Boom

2009-08-09T22:43:00.003-05:00

A huge storm blew through town tonight. Someone down the street lost half a tree. Our house is fine, although hanging clothes outside to dry today turned out to be a wasted effort on my part.

Abbie was terrified when the storm hit, and by "terrified" I mean "screaming hysterically." She's never been bothered by rain or storms before, but the lightning, thunder, wind, and rain in this one set her off. I pulled her back into her room, which is one of the more sheltered rooms in the house, and did my best to entertain her until the storm passed. I sang, I read, and I asked her brothers to cheer her up. The last tactic as it spurred her to entertain her brothers instead. As she explained, "my brothers aren't funny; only I'm funny."

I know that showing fear is a sign of growing maturity, but I hope her fear of storms isn't going to be a long-term issue. I would be happy, though, if she would start showing some fear of time outs.

And the Answer is...

2009-08-07T23:40:00.001-05:00

I finally found Ian's cow blanket tonight. It was inside the grill in our backyard. The boys are no longer allowed to take their cow blankets outside.

Moo?

2009-08-05T22:52:00.003-05:00

Ian lost his cow blanket last night. He has slept with that cow blanket every night for almost since birth. He depends on the cow blanket to comfort him when he's hurting, calm him when he's upset, and entertain him when he's bored. And now it's been missing for over 24 hours. I swear I've looked everywhere inside and outside the house, and can't find it. He seems to be sleeping okay, but he misses it often throughout the day. If I can't find that cow blanket, he's either going to adjust and learn to soothe himself, or things will get very ugly around here.

Bob

2009-08-03T23:42:00.003-05:00

We've never done much to trim the back of Abbie's hair, and it's several inches of matted mess. Abbie won't brush it, and she fights with all her strength if we brush it, so we usually let it go until birds try nesting in her hair. At that point we hold her down and brush her mercilessly until she has pretty smooth hair. A couple days later it's a matted mess again and we restart the cycle.

I've been threatening to cut Abbie's hair for a long time. Mommy won't let me, though, because she's afraid chopping off her hair will traumatize her. As proof, she claims that her parents cut her hair short when she was a child, and she still hasn't forgotten what they did to her. So we let it go, watch it tangle, and brush it out while she screams.

Tonight Abbie walked out of her room carrying a large chunk of hair. I asked her to turn around, and sure enough half of her hair was now shoulder-length. She found a pair of scissors that I foolishly left within her reach, and had gone to work on her hair. She said she did it to be like her brothers, who now have slightly shorter hair than she does. Mommy finished the haircut a little later, and now Abbie has an easy-to-manage hairstyle without us having to traumatize her. Of course a little later she asked if she could put her hair back on, so I don't think she understands the permanence of her actions.

You Can Lead a Child to Food, but You Can't Make Her Eat

2009-08-01T23:04:00.003-05:00

Abbie's menu for the day:

Cereal (not eaten)
Mandarin oranges (Tory ate most of them)
Granola bar (Abbie carried it off to the backyard, so I don't know if she ate it)
Chips (1-2 servings)
Spaghetti
Chocolate milk (1 glass)

Abbie has a horrible diet. I suppose I'm to blame (partly), so I'm cracking down on the snacks. Notice that I limited the chips and sweets. When Abbie asks for a snack, I usually offer something healthy, which she of course rejects. This leads to her frequently telling me she's hungry. I respond by telling her that's because she won't eat what I offer her. Hopefully it sinks in eventually.

Oh, you're Wakko all right

2009-07-31T23:26:00.002-05:00

One of the joys of parenting is sharing the things you loved as a kid with your own kids. Now that everything is on DVD, it's easy to share my childhood cartoons with my children. Looking back on them, I realize most of them were garbage (the new Transformer movies helped me realize just how vacuous that series was). In my quest to select a higher class of cartoon, I stumbled upon Animaniacs. I remember enjoying that show as a child, and I remember that it was pretty smart for a kid's show. So I picked up the first season on DVD to see what the kids think.

The problem that I now realize is I enjoyed Animaniacs when I was, oh, 13-years-old, not 3-years-old like the boys. Most of the show's dialog goes right over the kids' head, so never mind the smartness factor of the show. They do enjoy it, though, they just enjoy different things than I did. Mostly they enjoy the slapstick nature of the show. That, and saying "hello, nurse." They also enjoy the fact that there are three Animaniacs, just like there are three of them. They even identify with individual Animaniacs. Abbie is Dot. Tory is Yakko. Ian is Wakko. It works out well. There's also a lot of music, which the kids enjoy. Sometimes the songs are quasi-educational, so maybe they're learning something from the show.

@#%$

2009-07-30T22:59:00.002-05:00

While riding in the car the other day, the kids were fighting in the backseat. They had discovered a couple toy cars buried in the wasteland of fast food toys covering the backseat floor, and were grabbing at each other trying to control the brightly-colored plastic toys.

"Give me back my damn car!" Abbie screamed.

Mommy and I were instantly concerned about this. We asked where she heard that word (probably daycare). We told her that word is very rude to use. We did our best to be calm so as not to encourage her to use that word just to get a rise out of us. Abbie, almost in tears, kept screaming that she wanted her "damn car" back,

Finally mommy grabbed the car. When the kids fight over something, the best thing to do is to take it away; that way everyone can be unhappy together. Mommy held the car, looked at it, and found the word "Dan" written across its back bumper. Apparently this car was named Dan.

"Abbie, do you want your Dan car back?" Mommy asked.

"Yeah," Abbie whined, still fighting back tears.

Mommy threw the car back to her. It's easier to tolerate their fighting when we know they're not cussing.

Bad Idea

2009-07-29T22:30:00.002-05:00

We took the kids out for ice cream after supper tonight. It's currently 10:30pm, they've been locked in their room for over an hour, and they're still bouncing off the walls. Ice cream might have to be a mid-day treat from now on.

Properly Motivated

2009-07-23T23:16:00.003-05:00

(While getting ready for bed tonight)

Abbie: Should I wear underwear?
Me: Yes.
Abbie: Why should I wear underwear?
Me: Why do you think you should wear underwear?
Abbie: I should wear underwear so I can get a treat.

(Maybe we should speed up the timetable for weaning her off the potty treats)

Gone-Gurt

2009-07-21T23:42:00.003-05:00

I bought the kids a box of those yogurt tubes today. They're like a non-frozen yogurt popsicle, except apparently much more delicious. The box contained eight tubes, and the kids ate six of them this afternoon. All were taken without my permission while I wasn't looking. I think that's the last time I buy those for a while.

Bitey

2009-07-20T09:32:00.003-05:00

Abbie (screaming): Ian bit me!
Matt: Why did Ian bite you? (Ian usually has a pretty good reason)
Abbie: Because I put my toe in his mouth!

I'm a Big Girl Now

2009-07-19T23:43:00.003-05:00

Abbie seems to have taken the last step toward being fully potty trained (and at age 5 it's about time). Abbie has been wearing underwear during the day for over a year now, but she insisted on wearing a pull-up at night. I had encouraged her to wear pull-ups while she slept because she wasn't staying dry, but for the last few months she's been waking up dry most mornings. I tried talking her into trying underwear overnight, but she refused since "Abbies wear pull-ups at night." I tried laying the big girl guilt trip on her, but that didn't work. I tried bribing her with candy if she would try underwear because I'm desperate and too tired to think of other rewards, but that didn't work either.

A few days ago, though, she spontaneously said, "I'm going to wear underwear at night." I guess she's finally ready. Of course she added, "I'm going to get a sucker in the morning!" She's been wearing underwear at night for three straight days now, and has woken up dry every morning. It's good to see her giving up the pull-ups. Now if I can just get the boys to start doing the same.

Bring Me the Head of Moopie

2009-07-18T23:53:00.002-05:00

The boys have countless stuffed animals and blankets. The most beloved of these is their cow blankets. It's a soft, furry blanket with a cow's head sewn onto it, kind of resembling a cow version of a bear skin rug. This is their security object, the thing they cry out for when they hurt physically, or when they need to sleep.

The head on Ian's cow blanket is starting to tear apart from the blanket. Even though the blankets are otherwise identical, I know this is Ian's because Tory insists and Ian accepts that he gets the broken one.

My mother visited us today, and as part of her grandmotherly duties she felt obligated to sew the ripped cow head back onto the blanket. Now Ian's cow blanket is good as new, and there's no worries the head will fall off and his blanket will break. Of course Ian was furious that his cow blanket had been repaired. "I don't want a fixed cow blanket," he cried as I shut his bedroom door tonight.

He's Speaking Spanish, I Swear

2009-07-15T22:49:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Dora, Diego, and preschool, my children know basic Spanish words. They can count to ten in Spanish, and they know basic colors in Spanish, and they can say a few other basic Spanish words. The boys especially love shouting the Spanish colors of things they see. Red things are rojo. White things are blanco. Black things are negro. That last one makes me a little nervous, but as long as they continue enunciating clearly (NAY-grow) we should avoid awkward situations.

Ahh, Butterfly!

2009-07-14T22:59:00.002-05:00

We took the kids to Reiman Gardens this morning. It's a botanical center on the Iowa State campus about 40 minutes north of our home. While a botanical center might sound like a poor choice to keep three toddler entertained, we had our reasons for visiting. Reiman Gardens has a butterfly center, which Abbie should like, and a temporary exhibit with several dinosaur statues, which the boys should like.

The butterfly center was impressive. It was a small, circular, indoor room that would probably take about two minutes to walk through if you were in a hurry. They crammed about 800 butterflies and a bazillion plants in the room, though, so butterflies were constantly flittering about. We were able to stand and watch for several minutes. Tory had a butterfly land on his back, which he didn't notice, and I had one land on my face, which I definitely noticed. That's the benefit of wearing a yellow or orange shirt to a butterfly center.

The dinosaur statues were interesting. They were positioned in plant displays to create a natural appearance. The boys' favorite was probably the giant sea scorpion, which is a strange favorite prehistoric creature to choose, but that's what they like.

These are some of the adorable things Abbie said today:

"I'm afraid of butterflies!" (spoken as we walked into the butterfly center)

"I want to do something fun." (spoken as we walked through the garden looking for dinosaur statues)

"I don't want ice cream." (spoken as we tried to bribe Abbie into eating her lunch. We eventually got ice cream, which she did in fact want)

Pac Man Fever

2009-07-13T23:25:00.002-05:00

I broke down and bought Abbie a Pac Man video game, the kind that's just a joystick that plugs directly into the TV. I found it used on eBay, so it was cheap. I guess I'll see if this will go in the pile of worst purchases I've ever made for the kids. That toy work bench with 100 pieces that have been scattered all over the house is probably the leader on that list.

iTrouble

2009-07-12T23:30:00.003-05:00

Abbie has discovered mommy's iPhone. Mommy put a few kids apps on her phone, and now she has to fight Abbie to get her phone back. Abbie is especially fond of Pac-Man. She doesn't seem to understand the purpose of the game, but she loves watching the ghosts catch Pac-Man.

Abbie has figured out how to text, which is a problem since mommy is not on a texting plan. Abbie somehow sent a text to a random person one time, and now that random person's number is in the recently dialed list and she keeps sending gibberish texts to the same random person. Random person is not amused.

Trip Advisor

2009-07-10T23:05:00.002-05:00

When I picked Abbie up from daycare today, her class was outside. All of them were flushed and sweaty. A couple of the children were screaming in the corner in time out. The worker supervising the class said everybody was too hot, too tired, and too sweaty from the field trip. It was a warm day likely to wear out the children. Abbie just had a dazed look for most of the night.

So I guess it was a good field trip.

Yellow

2009-07-09T23:10:00.003-05:00

Abbie's daycare class is taking a field trip tomorrow. They're visiting a state park where they'll see animals and get their faces painted and do all sorts of things that a 5-year-old should enjoy but Abbie will probably whine about the whole time.

I picked up the special t-shirt Abbie is supposed to wear on the trip. It has the daycare's logo, and it's bright yellow, so it'll be easier to re-unite her with the group when she wanders into the woods. I showed Abbie her new shirt and asked her if she liked it. She said "no." I told her she has to wear it to go on her fun field trip tomorrow, and all of her friends will wear yellow shirts too.

"I don't want to wear a yellow shirt," she whinedly replied. It could be a rough morning tomorrow.

Boy/Girl

2009-07-08T22:54:00.002-05:00

We visited the big box store tonight. Among many other things, we bought a present for a birthday party for this weekend. One of Abbie's daycare classmates is having a party and inviting the whole class without realizing that we'll descend en masse with three small children.

When we started looking at toys, we realized that we couldn't remember if the party was for a boy or a girl. I thought we needed a boy toy, mommy thought we needed a girl toy. We settled on a nice unisex sidewalk chalk toy and moved on to other things, such as dragging our three small children out of the toy aisles.

Later we checked the invitation. The party was for Reese.

"I was right," mommy said, "it's for a girl."

"I thought Reese was a boy's name," I said.

"No, it's a girl's name" said mommy. "Wait. Abbie, is your friend Reese a girl or boy?"

"Girl," Abbie said.

I'm sure other parents will have similar debates in the future when we invite their children to Tory's birthday parties.

For the record, Reese is a girl's name. Reece is a boy's name. So I was kind of right. The boy version was more popular until a few years ago when the boy version lost popularity and the girl version became much more popular. Thank you Reese Witherspoon.

Mystery Bump

2009-07-07T23:01:00.002-05:00

Tory has a huge lump on his head. When I gave him a bath tonight, he had a lump that stuck out at least two inches on the left-rear side of his forehead.

The horrible part is I have no idea when or how he got this lump. Mommy discovered it when she came home from work tonight, so it was probably some time late this afternoon. I was watching them all day, and you'd think I'd notice if one of my children fell and smacked his head, but apparently not. I should at least be able to find a dent in whatever his head hit, but I can't find anything. My only clue is Abbie said he fell out of the closet. That's entirely possible, so that's the story I'm telling daycare tomorrow.

Floater

2009-07-06T23:01:00.002-05:00

Safety is important to me when I let my kids into the pool. I know I'll barely be able to watch them while they swim, so they need to have proper safety gear. That means everyone must wear floaties to hop in the pool. The boys have nifty surf suits with floaties built in, so they can wear that as a swim suit, stay protected from the sun, and remain on the surface of water. Abbie has a life vest that she slips on over her swim suit. The vest is nice because it goes on easily. Unfortunately it also comes off easily. Tonight I caught her in the water right after she took the vest off. Much to my pleasant surprise she was treading water and not sinking to the bottom like a stone. Why do kids have to be so curious?

Ooh...

2009-07-05T23:28:00.002-05:00

We shot fireworks last night. It was mostly tame stuff, sparklers and smoke balls, but we had a few noisy and sparky things too. Tory was brave enough to hold a sparkler. Ian was brave enough to watch Tory hold the sparkler from a safe distance. Abbie would only watch the sparklers from behind the corner, but when we lit a noisy firecracker she hid inside the house. Abbie was at least brave enough to watch the show from the upstairs window.

Later that night, Abbie was still terrified of the loud fireworks being shot by our neighbors. She could clearly hear the bangs from her bedroom. She believed that, because she could hear them, they could hurt her inside her bedroom. I told her that she was completely safe inside her bedroom, but she didn't believe me. Then I told her that I would put the fireworks in timeout if they hurt her, and that calmed her down.

One Up

2009-07-03T23:47:00.002-05:00

I baked a batch of M&M cookies for the kids today. Not satisfied with that, Abbie found a carton of lemon frosting while I wasn't paying attention to her, opened it up, and started eating it with a spoon. She didn't seem hungry for dinner tonight.

Squirrel!

2009-07-02T23:38:00.003-05:00

On the car ride to daycare this morning, Ian picked up a little toy squirrel. It was a simple plastic fast food meal toy that the kids had barely noticed before this morning. Of course it was instantly the most popular item in the car.

Tory threw a tantrum in the car because he didn't have a squirrel. I tried to soothe him with other fast food toys in the car such as elephants and cars, but no luck. The daycare has a no outside toy policy, so the toy had to stay in the car when we arrived.

I figured when we got out of the car he'd calm down. Nope.

I figured when we got to his room at daycare he'd calm down. Nope.

I figured that when Ian started playing with the train set that every toddler boy in the preschool loves he'd calm down. Nope.

I know he calmed down at some point because he wasn't screaming when I picked him up, I just don't know when.

I Wish I had Someone Yelling at Me to Go to Sleep

2009-07-01T22:51:00.003-05:00

Abbie keeps sleeping less and less. Tonight I estimate she fell asleep about 10:15, which is about an hour after I first shut her door and told her to go to sleep. I'm guessing she's averaging about 9 hours of sleep per night. If she sleeps any less she'll start approaching zombie status.

Potty Update

2009-06-30T22:58:00.003-05:00

Abbie is almost completely potty trained. She might have an occasional during the day, but even the best of us makes a mistake once in a while. She insists on wearing pull-ups overnight though. She only needs it once or twice a week, and she could probably be accident free if she wanted to, but she insists on wearing pull-ups. I encourage her to wear underwear at night, but she just tells me that she's supposed to wear pull-ups at night.

Last night was an accident night, so it was a good things she wore the pull-up. Unfortunately she slept in a wet pull-up all night, and developed a rash. Tonight, Abbie resisted the pull-up.

"I have a pull-up rash," she complained. She's apparently graduated from diaper rash.

Don't Make Me Come in There

2009-06-29T23:37:00.003-05:00

Sorry I'm slow to blog. Let's try this again...

One of the boys' favorite games this summer is sneaking outside to the pool, and throwing things in the water. They throw anything they can find: Toys, garden tools, potted plants innocently resting poolside. This game ties in nicely with one of my favorite games: Sending the boys to their nap early.

____ the Bear

2009-03-29T19:20:00.002-05:00

I give the kids a multi-vitamin every night. It's a store brand chewable variety (compare to Flintstones Complete!), with 19 vitamins and minerals designed to let me feel less guilty about letting them eat junk all day. The kids seem to like them, and they come in four fun animal shapes: Lion, bear, elephant, and monkey. Abbie will eat the elephants, or lions ("Leon," named after a Dora character) if needed. The boys will eat both of those, plus monkeys ("George," named after Curious George).

The problem is nobody will eat the bears. Right now our bottle of 150 vitamins contains about 5 each of monkeys, lions, and elephants, and maybe 30 bears. I've tried giving the bears fun names, but it doesn't work.

"Would you like a Baloo?"
"No."

"Winnie?"
"No."

"Baby Bear?"
"No."

We really need Dora to do an episode with a bear.

Mmm, pretzels

2009-03-09T22:21:00.001-05:00

Abbie today observed, "a pretzel is shaped like a poopie." Well, yeah, I guess.

When I Grow Up...

2009-03-06T23:03:00.001-06:00

Ian: I want to use the ladies bathroom.
Abbie: No! Not until you're a girl!

Well, Ian has been wearing mommy's shoes around the house recently...

Lesson Learned

2009-02-10T22:52:00.004-06:00

Mommy had to pick up Ian from preschool this afternoon. He was standing on a chair when he fell and smacked his head hard. He was crying so hard his teacher felt he needed a doctor to look at him. Naturally he had calmed down by the time mommy arrived. The first thing he said when he saw mommy walk into his classroom was, "I need to sit on my bottom." At least he hasn't killed all of his brain cells yet.

Today's Note from Preschool

2009-02-02T22:23:00.002-06:00

Today's note from Abbie's preschool said:

"Abbie earned a reward from her reward chart. She chose to play with a ball. Then she got mad because she didn't get another reward."

At least I know she shows that sense of entitlement outside the house too.

Flip This House

2009-01-19T22:27:00.002-06:00

The kids have officially traded rooms. The boys are sleeping in Abbie's room, surrounded by pastel butterflies, and huddled on her twin-size bed. Abbie is sleeping in the boys' room, surrounded by dinosaurs, and stretched out in the top bunk of their beds while the bottom bunk remains empty. I really wanted to reclaim Abbie's room as my study, too.

You Need to Be a Parent, Not a Friend

2009-01-16T22:04:00.003-06:00

We took the kids to a fast food playground for lunch today. It's been too cold for the kids to go outside or even wander near the windows in our house, so it was good to give the kids a chance to run around. Plus it had been so long since our last fast food trip I didn't know what kind of toy they'd get with their meal.*

Abbie was playing with another girl. When the two wandered near us, Abbie turned to the girl, pointed at mommy, and said, "that's my best friend."

Abbie has an infatuation with mommy and clearly prefers her. This fact doesn't really hurt my feelings; sure, I'm the one who spent almost every waking second with her for the first three years of her life, but maybe she's just sick of me after all that together time. My main complaint over this preference is she throws a tantrum every time mommy leaves for work, leaving Abbie vulnerable to daddy's tyranny of strictly limited TV and snacks.

We don't know why this preference developed. Despite being a little freer with TV and snacks, mommy tends to be harsher on Abbie than I am. I usually let her do what she wants around the house as long as she doesn't bother me or break something/one. Mommy is stricter about her attitude, not letting her get away with the crankiness or rudeness that I might not notice. Maybe a couple extra viewings of Sleeping Beauty is all it takes to become Abbie's best friend.

*They got small plush dogs. I wish they could get some sort of toy vehicle with every meal instead. They didn't care for these dogs, as evidenced by the fact that they barely fought over them before going back to playing with their toy vehicles.

Fight!

2009-01-14T23:15:00.002-06:00

The kids fight over toys. That's okay; I expected that.

The kids fight over beds. They have to battle to determine which child gets to sleep in which bed. That's okay; they seem to have finally settled on bed assignments.

The kids fight over the potty. That one I never saw coming. I had to break up a fight tonight because Tory wanted to use the potty, and Abbie was already sitting on it. The worst part is Abbie didn't need to actually use the potty, she just didn't want Tory using it.

Only 15 years until they're out of the house.

Potty Problems

2009-01-13T22:30:00.002-06:00

We're still potty training the boys. I'm still doing a load of laundry a day, but they may be starting to get the idea. Tonight Tory asked to use the potty three times, and actually peed every time. That's the first time either boy has asked to use the potty, and then actually deposited something. Tory seemed especially excited when he realized he could delay bedtime by asking to use the potty. If I can convince him that bedtime is always imminent, he may never have another accident.

Avenue Q

2009-01-07T23:20:00.002-06:00

Abbie has preschool homework now, which means I have preschool homework. That's okay, I could stand looking at bright colors after staring at dense law books all day.

Every Thursday, Abbie has to bring three things that begin with her letter. The thing can be a tangible object, a picture she (I) found, or a picture she (I) drew. Her letter for this week is "Q." Obviously I should be thrilled that she's starting with the advanced letters instead of a simple common letter.

Since we don't have anything in this house that begins with a "Q" and fits into a preschooler's backpack, I used the computer. I asked Abbie to give me Q words, and I found pictures of them on the Internet using Google's image search. She learned about words that started with Q. I learned not to let a preschooler see unfiltered image search results.

Abbie's first suggestion was "queen." I quickly found a picture of Queen Elizabeth. I also found several photos of Freddie Mercury.

Abbie suggested "quiet," and I found a lovely picture of a girl saying "quiet."

Abbie suggested "car," and I suggested she keep trying.

Abbie left to play with a board game, and I suggested we take a break.

I suggested "Quetzalcoatl," but realized her teachers would know she had parental help with that one.

Abbie suggested "quilt," and I found many pictures of quilts.

With three items, I placed them all on a single page in Word, and printed them out. Now Abbie can ace her first set of homework. I look forward to next week's letter. Maybe Z?

Bad Sign

2009-01-05T22:17:00.002-06:00

On my way to pick up the boys from preschool today, I passed one of their classmates in the hall.

"Tory pooped!" she exclaimed.

I braced myself and entered the boys' room. Their carpet cleaner was in full gear, sounding like a flock of humming birds. Both boys had pooped and taken off their pants. Ian had apparently stepped in it, so he we're gets to wear new shoes tomorrow.

I was a little surprised when their preschool said they were up for potty training. This is why. Hopefully they'll be a little better by the end of the week.

Silence!

2009-01-04T23:24:00.002-06:00

In response to Amy's comment:

Abbie also tells us to stop talking, except she isn't as polite. She will not tolerate anyone (besides her) singing along with a song. When we're in the car, and I try singing along with a song, she screams, "You stop that!" She'll repeat herself until I do stop that. Occasionally she'll also add "It's Elmo's turn!"

"Da ... da ... da ... D'att!"

2009-01-03T23:14:00.001-06:00

Abbie has learned our first names. At first it was cute that she'd walk up to me and say "What's your name? Matt!" It's somewhat less cute now that she tries to get my attention by yelling "Matt!"

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time...

2009-01-01T22:55:00.002-06:00

We're potty training the boys again. This time we really mean it. We've tried a few times, and given up when we couldn't get much success. This time we're determined to stick with it until the boys are potty trained, or we run out of laundry detergent.

Today was another day without much success. It was a day much like any other day, except that I frequently changed underwear instead of diapers. Early this afternoon Ian pooped in his underwear. I took them off, cleaned him up, and sent him to his room to grab another pair of underwear. I finished cleaning his dirty clothes, and went to his room to see if he'd dressed himself yet. Ian was still naked, but had finished a different job as he'd left a giant poop outside of his room.

Mommy has been following potty training advice, and remembered that potty training children are supposed to help clean their messes. She suggested I make Ian clean the poop he left. I agreed, handed Ian a wad of toilet paper, and told him to carry the poop to the potty. Somewhat surprisingly, he complied. He wrapped the mess in the paper, carried it into the bathroom, and dropped it into the potty. Great job.

As Ian watched the poop hit the potty, he must have realized that was one of the most disgusting things he'd ever done. Ian promptly puked his lunch all over the bathroom.

I decided I shouldn't make Ian clean this mess. Mommy stripped him down, and sent him to his room to pick out new clothes. I cleaned up the new mess, and committed myself to a long struggle ahead.

Uh oh

2008-12-29T23:15:00.002-06:00

As I'm in the bedroom changing Tory, I hear a noise from the kitchen. It sounds like dozens of small, hard objects hitting the floor. I finish with Tory and hurry into the kitchen. Ian is standing over a pile of chocolate chips with a torn chocolate chip bag in his hands.

"I need to go to my room," he calmly says.

I have to admire his problem-solving skills.

Can't ... Take ... Any ... More ... Burl ... Ives

2008-12-28T22:58:00.002-06:00

The kids have a DVD of the TV special of Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer. I believe they watched it about a half-dozen times during the trip to see grandparents and back these past few days. They also have a CD soundtrack of the TV special, which I believe they listened to at least a dozen times in the car. Those two discs are getting locked away for the next 11 months.

12 something something, 11 mumble mumble, 10 mrrh mrrh...

2008-12-23T23:00:00.002-06:00

Abbie can sing the 12 Days of Christmas. The entire song. I don't even know the words to the whole song. Looks like preschool is really paying off.

Long Work Days

2008-12-22T22:15:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning, got the kids ready, and dropped them off at the childcare center. It was a normal morning until I hopped back into my car and drove home. Today was the first weekday of my break from law school.

I had planned to change the kids' childcare schedule. I'm home from school for a month, so I wanted to drop them down to part time. I still have a little work to do for school during break, and could use the childcare for a day or two a week, but it doesn't make sense to leave the kids in childcare full time while I'm home all day. If I kept the kids home with me most of the week, I would have time to do the work I need to do, plus we could save money on childcare. Oh, and there's that thing about building stronger relationships with my children by spending time with them, but I was really excited about saving money.

It turns out childcare centers don't let you do that. My request to drop back to part time was not well received. They didn't quite laugh at me, but that may only be because they're perpetually cheerful in that place. Their schedule is locked into full time. We pay for those days whether the kids are at the childcare center or at home. It doesn't matter if they're home because I'm home and able to care for them, they're sick and can't go to the center, or it's a holiday and the center is closed. We pay for full-time childcare every week until we drop out. Ooh, but after a year we get a whole week of "vacation" where we can keep the kids out of the center without paying for it.

I couldn't decide which would make me feel more ridiculous: Dropping the kids off for childcare I didn't need, or paying for childcare we wouldn't use. After much deliberation, I settled on the latter as more ridiculous. So this morning I dropped the kids off at childcare the same as always, and returned home to work on a few things. A couple hours later, I needed more work to do. Obviously I should find more work to keep me busy.

Things I Should've Seen Coming

2008-12-21T22:21:00.002-06:00

Abbie has discovered "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." We own a DVD copy of the classic television special featuring stop-motion animation that looks kind of creepy by today's computer animation standards. Abbie doesn't care about the potential creepiness of the animation, though. Abbie likes the music. And the story. But mostly she likes the music.

When Abbie asked to watch Rudolph today, I tried to have a little fun with her.

"Can I watch Rudolph?" she asked.

"Rudolph?" I asked. "Does he have a very shiny nose?"

"Yeah" she replied. "He has a very shiny nose."

"He does!" I said with encouragement. "What would you do if you ever saw him?"

"I would even say it glows," she answered dutifully.

"You would? That's great!" I said excitedly.

"I would laugh and call him names," she continued.

"That's ... that's not so great," I said loading the DVD. Like I said, she pays more attention to the music than the story.

How Would You Rate Our Service for Saving Your Child's Life? 1, mostly satisfied. 2, somewhat satisfied...

2008-12-20T22:54:00.002-06:00

I got a phone call today from Poison Control. They wanted to do a follow-up survey with me, and make sure they helped us when I called them last week. That was one of the many exciting things that happened while I was dangerously absorbed in final exam preparations last week.

I'm tired when I pick up the kids from childcare. I've been working hard all day trying to interpret obtuse written words. My mind is stuck on passive reading mode, and switching gears to active childcare mode takes a few minutes. The kids take advantage of this time by running wild when we arrive home. I have to shoo them one at a time from the garage into the living room. While I focus on one child, the other two take this time to investigate any pretty fragile items I might have foolishly left within their reach.

On the day in question, Ian went into the living room first. I herded Tory into the living room, and found Abbie juggling glass Christmas ornaments. As I rounded the corner, I found Ian chewing on something. Upon closer inspection, it was a bottle of superglue. I snatched it from his mouth, and he screamed the kind of scream a child might make after ingesting a large quantity of a highly toxic substance. Since the bottle was half-empty and glue was all over his mouth, I figured I should call someone.

Many months ago I added the phone number for poison control into speed dial, and on this day it finally paid off. Within minutes I was talking to someone who had an idea of how toxic the glue was. The answer: Not very. It sounds like superglue is like alcohol; it might make the child act drunk, but a little bit probably won't hurt him. The bigger danger is getting it in the eye, or inhaling it and getting it caught in the airways.

Ian seemed to be acting normal, so I stopped worrying. If he swallowed any, it was a very small amount. Most of the superglue was on the floor. And on his face. And in his hair.

Ian suffered no serious injury besides a bald spot where we cut off a chunk of glued hair. I told the survey taker that I appreciated their service. They might have saved us a trip to the ER, and it would've taken me forever to shoo everyone back into the car.

I'm Not Dead Yet

2008-12-18T22:23:00.002-06:00

Sorry I went dark for a while. I just finished my law school finals. I went through two solid weeks of cramming every obscure legal detail into my head. Now I get to spend a couple more weeks worrying about how I did on the finals. Oh, and I have to write a Christmas card letter. And write a resume. And find a job for the summer. And travel back and forth for the holidays. Otherwise it'll be an easy break for me.

The Kids Don't Appreciate Us

2008-11-23T22:18:00.002-06:00

We moved into a new house over a year ago. Our new home is bigger with more bedrooms. That means Abbie gets her own bedroom and no longer has to share a bedroom with her brothers.

We bought the boys bunk beds a few months ago. They replaced the toddler beds they had been using. Now the boys can sleep in big boy beds without having to be treated like small children.

The boys immediately decided they both wanted the top bunk. Now they sleep together, happily sharing a bed.

A couple days ago, Abbie decided she wanted to share a room again. For the past few nights, she's insisted on sleeping in the same room as her brothers, leaving her beautiful, girly room child-free. I assume the cats sleep in there. Abbie sleeps in the empty bottom bunk in the boys' room. She would sleep in the top bunk with the boys, but they kicked her out on the first night. As least our children have some space.

There Will Be Blood

2008-11-20T22:13:00.003-06:00

I found one of my law textbooks in Abbie's room. It was my Civil Procedure book, one of the ten-pound tomes that are ruining my back. One of the kids swiped it, carried it through the house, realized there are far more interesting objects in the house, and dropped it in her room. Ian, who may be the one who swiped it, stubbed his toe on the pages and bled on it. So now my Civil Procedure textbook is tainted with my children's blood. If I had any creativity left I could probably write an anguished poem about that.

Sick

2008-11-18T22:43:00.000-06:00

Abbie is sick. She walked off the bus after school today crying, walked directly into the house, into her room, locked her door, and laid down on her bed to take a nap. Like I said, she's sick. We think she has an ear infection. We gave her some medicine and some ibuprofen, and she perked up. Regardless, she gets a sick day tomorrow from school.

Pink

2008-11-17T22:15:00.002-06:00

The preschool called me at school today. Ian had pinkeye and needed to go home. When I arrived, I immediately doubted it was pinkeye because he didn't have, uh, pink eyes. His eye lids were a rosy shade of pink, though. Regardless of what I thought, the teachers were afraid he had pinkeye because of the streams of mucus flowing from his eyes.

I took him home and had mommy look at him. She agreed it wasn't pinkeye. He just has a cold that's infuriated his sinuses to the point that they refuse to drain mucus. The snot has nowhere to go, so it flows out of his eyes and congeals in a mess suitable for freaking out preschool teachers.

We now have a bottle of pinkeye drops that we're giving to Ian just in case. It's probably a matter of time before someone brings pinkeye home anyway.

Under Where?

2008-11-13T23:05:00.002-06:00

The boys are almost 3-years-old. We figure they should be potty trained some time, so might as well start now. We put underwear on the boys tonight, and they threw a fit. Tory calmed down after about five minutes. Ian calmed down about 15 minutes after we dressed him in an overnight diaper.

When we last tried potty training a few months ago, they would wear underwear with no problem. Now they hate underwear. We showed Abbie in her underwear. We showed them mommy and daddy wear underwear. They wanted none of it. They may be old enough to realize we're serious about potty training this time.

Naked Breakfast

2008-11-12T22:17:00.002-06:00

Mommy woke up Abbie yesterday morning. Abbie did not want to wake up and get ready for preschool.

Mommy: "It's time to get up."
Abbie: "No."
M: "It's time to get dressed."
A: "No. I go naked today."

If only the world worked like that, kiddo.

Hot Hot Hot

2008-11-10T21:51:00.002-06:00

In response to Lynette's question of how the boys keep from burning themselves when they fill the bathtub without my supervision:

I worry about that. Honestly, though, I can't keep them out of the bathroom, and by the time I hear the water running it's probably too late to prevent potential scalding anyway. I, and the boys' skin, have a few things working in our favor when I hear the water run from another room.

One knob controls the bath faucet. It twists left and right to adjust the temperature, and moves up to start the water flow. It doesn't twist easily, so it usually starts pouring water at the same temperature setting as was used last time. Hopefully I was supervising the boys in the bath the last time the faucet was used.

Hot water runs slow in our house. Even with the hot water control on full blast, it takes a minute for the water to reach full temperature. By then there's an inch of cool water in the tub to buffer the temperature, and hopefully I've made it in there to check on them.

Maybe most importantly, our water isn't very hot. You'd have to hold your hand under the hot running water for several seconds to do any damage. Fortunately the boys are smart enough to pull their hands away if the running water is too hot.

Tubby Time

2008-11-09T22:25:00.002-06:00

The boys' latest pastime is taking a bath. For the past few days, I've heard bathwater running while I clean the dinner table. When I finally get around to checking on the running water, Ian is already in the tub and Tory is in the process of stripping down to join him. I'm happy they're taking an interest in staying clean. I just wish they didn't insist on filling and refilling the bathtub every night. I'm afraid of what our next water bill will be if this keeps up.

Obama Wins in a Landslide

2008-11-04T17:06:00.002-06:00

Obama won the election at Abbie's preschool. They gave us a newsletter when I picked them up this afternoon. The totals:

Obama = 28
McCain = 17
Santa = 1

They also have quotes from the voters. Some of my favorites:

"John McCain scares me."
"I voted for John McCain because Obama will make school go for another hour."
"I voted for Obama because he makes toys."
"I voted for McCain because Obama steals peoples' money."
"I vote for Santa Claus so everyone will get more presents."

Abbie won't say who she voted for. Obviously she believes in the secret ballot.

Vote

2008-11-03T21:32:00.002-06:00

I just noticed a sign at Abbie's preschool saying her class will vote for president tomorrow. That's unfortunate since we haven't gotten around to discussing current events with her yet. We were hoping to wait another four years before we started pressuring her to support the correct candidate.

I'm guessing her class will vote for McCain. From what I know of our neighborhood, with its mix of military and upper-middle class families, he seems likely to get the majority of support in our neighborhood. But then there was that one preschool classmate I saw running around in an Obama t-shirt, so I could be surprised.

Mommy already voted in the real election. I'll vote on my way to pick up the boys tomorrow afternoon.

Crash

2008-11-02T21:39:00.002-06:00

Mommy bought a Halloween candy dish a couple days ago. It was clearanced at a big box store, so it was cheap, but still cute. It's ceramic with a spring-loaded cat jumping from the center. Grab a piece of candy, and the cat bounces with the spring. At least that's how I imagine it works; mommy bought it too late to use this season.

The dish was packed in a box of Halloween decorations, waiting for someone to carry it into storage. Abbie, entranced by cat on a spring, pulled the dish out of the box. I warned her to put it down, and she dutifully set it on a table. A minute later, before I took time to put it away again, a boy picked up the dish and dropped it on the floor. It shattered into several pieces.

I've known for years that we can't have nice things in our home. Apparently we can't have cheap things, either.

No-ganoff

2008-10-28T22:26:00.003-05:00

I sometimes tire of the mac and cheese-spaghetti-fast food meal rotation the children enjoy. I added variety to the routine tonight with potato stroganoff. It was the kind that comes straight from a box, with enough salt and artificial additives to make even the pickiest kids at least try a bite.

My kids wouldn't touch it. The boys may have snuck a taste while I wasn't looking, but by the end of the meal they determined the only suitable use for stroganoff was drowning it in Kool-Aid. Abbie simply screamed at my suggestion she taste it. I vainly tried convincing her that the potato slices were just like french fries.

It's back to mac and cheese tomorrow.

Red Room

2008-10-26T22:16:00.002-05:00

Every time I wonder what else the kids can get into, Abbie finds a creative answer. Yesterday she found a bottle of purple ink, meant to refill a stamp pad. She emptied it onto the floor and ran up and down the hallway a few times before I noticed. The walls are still stained red, as are my hands. It looks like I killed her, but I swear I only thought about killing her.

Costumes 2008

2008-10-24T22:56:00.003-05:00

I was so smart last November. When the Halloween stuff went on clearance, I bought costumes for the kids. Abbie got a Dora costume, and the boys got Star Wars Jedi costumes. Everything was set for a perfect Halloween.

We took the kids to the zoo for trick or treating tonight. Much to my dismay, all the kids hated their costumes. Mommy swooped in and saved the day with some old dress-up clothes.

Abbie slipped on a pair of wings and a sweatshirt with a butterfly on it. Presto, she's a butterfly.

Tory got a jacket with a skeleton on it, and a tiger mask. Presto, he's a tiger ... skeleton. Yeah, a tiger skeleton.

Ian got a dinosaur sweatshirt and a hat that's a giant dinosaur head. Presto, he's ... well, he's a kid walking around with a dinosaur head on his head. It still counts as a costume for ages 3 and under.

When we arrived at the zoo, Ian refused to wear his dinosaur head, Tory refused to wear his tiger mask, and Abbie insisted on wearing a coat over her butterfly sweatshirt.

We've officially given up on the idea of giving them cute costumes.

P.S. All the fish from yesterday all still alive, but the water is still cloudy from the onslaught of food, so they're not in the clear yet.

Feeding Fish

2008-10-23T22:46:00.002-05:00

I got a shipment of fish today. Live fish. The kind you put in an aquarium and watch swim around.

We sometimes mail order fish because we can't buy them around Des Moines. We keep discus fish, which have special water requirements, and not enough other people in the area are crazy enough to keep them. The local pet stores won't stock them, so we have to mail order them.

Being shipped through the mail is hard on a fish. They usually do okay at home, but it's extremely important to provide a low-stress environment for a day or two. Crystal clear water. No aggressive fish to compete with. Not even aquarium lights shining into the tank.

I unpacked the fish, acclimated them, and let them go in the tank. As I was busy with that, Abbie was busy unpacking the fish food we also had shipped. At some point this afternoon, she took an entire container of fish food and dumped it in the tank.

So much for crystal clear water.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

2008-10-19T22:04:00.003-05:00

The boys' current favorite song is The Alphabet Song. As in, "a, b, c, d..."

It was cute for a while. I humored them and sung along. Tory knows most of his letters, but he still needs to work on recognition. Ian is aware of the existence of an alphabet, but his letter skills don't extend much beyond that.

They started singing it painfully slow, like they were struggling to remember each letter. I sung at their pace, thinking they were just learning the song. A couple days later they started rattling it off as quickly as I could. Their preschool must be playing some odd tempo games with them.

Now the boys sing it constantly. They sing it repeatedly when bored, upset, or just sleepy. They still don't recognize letters very well, so I need to keep working on that.

Born Free

2008-10-17T22:24:00.002-05:00

Tory has recently developed a stubborn streak. He knows what he wants, and any deviation from his desires results in a tantrum.

The past couple of breakfasts have been a battle. I sit him down at the table, he sees his cereal, and he throws a fit. His language skills are to the point where he can verbalize concepts like "no" and "I want (unintelligible)." I run down the list of things he might want, he says no to all of them, so I send his whining to his room. Two minutes later he comes back, happy and ready to eat. Two minutes after that he remembers why he was upset in the first place, and I return him to his room.

I lock him into his car seat, and he starts screaming about wanting something. I offer him a toy from the stash littering the floor. He refuses. I continue offering from the stash, through planes, trains, and, uh, cars. He refuses each in turn. Two minutes later he calms down, and is content with stealing whatever Ian was playing with.

We take him into a store, and he starts whining. I offer to let him walk, and he throws a fit. I try to carry him, and he throws a fit. I throw him in a cart, and he throws a fit, but at least we're moving.

Things You Don't Want Your Child's Preschool Teacher to Say

2008-10-16T22:20:00.002-05:00

When mommy dropped Abbie off at preschool yesterday, her teacher came out to talk to her.

"Are things going okay at home?"

"Uhhh ... yes."

The teacher was concerned that Abbie was acting strange. She hasn't been focusing on tasks well this week. Considering a stopwatch is generally required to measure a 4-year-old's attention span, I don't know how they could tell she was acting flightier than normal, but they were concerned.

Mommy blamed her behavior on a cold. Never mind that the kids have had a perpetual cold for about 6 weeks. Abbie also refuses to go to bed at night, refuses to wake up in the morning, refuses to nap, refuses to eat most foods, refuses to eat most meals, refuses to poop in the potty, and is experiencing a traumatic life change that results in her spending several hours a week at preschool for the first time. Otherwise life is fine for her.

Back on the Wagon

2008-10-15T22:21:00.002-05:00

The boys' preschool tells me the boys are doing well with potty training. We still use diapers with them, but their teachers put them on the potty at school, and they do something most of the time. So I've decided to push potty training a little bit at home.

When the boys woke this morning, I put them on the potty. Ian, not sure what was happening, stood in the bathroom naked, screamed for a minute, and peed on the floor. At least he did something.

Tattle Tale

2008-09-26T23:05:00.002-05:00

Abbie's preschool teacher informed me that Abbie doesn't eat much for lunch or snack. That's disappointing because she doesn't eat much for breakfast either, and I was hoping she'd make up for it during the day. At least I know why I can't keep her out of the snacks when she gets home.

I Hate Mondays

2008-09-15T22:34:00.002-05:00

The kids are still getting used to being in preschool all day. The boys have adjusted well, but Abbie is still having issues. I've heard that a good day for a toddler is any day that's like the one before. So as the week progresses and she gets used to being in preschool, she tolerates it better. But then the weekend comes and staying home all day throws off her routine. That's when we start over.

Abbie screamed wildly when I dropped her off at preschool today. Fortunately the teacher was ready with a fish-themed art project when I needed to leave.

Dinosaur Roar

2008-09-12T22:36:00.002-05:00

Mommy has been watching dinosaur videos with the kids recently. Consequently, the boys can identify quite a few dinosaurs. Not just the easy ones like "T-Rex" either (although "T-Rex" is still the default name of any unfamiliar dino). Tonight Ian correctly identified "triceratops" while watching a video.

Yet these same boys wandered up to me earlier, Tory carrying a toy hippopotamus and Ian with a rhinoceros, and both exclaimed, "ostrich!"

Hop on Pop

2008-09-11T17:59:00.002-05:00

In my civil procedure class today, we were trying to determine which state had jurisdiction in the case of Gibbons v Brown.

"Where is Mr. Brown?" the professor asked us to gather facts concerning domicile.

Without warning, or permission, the following starts running through my head:

"Where is Brown?
There is Brown!
Mr. Brown is out of town.
Brown came back.
Brown came back with Mr. Black..."

No Goal

2008-09-09T22:24:00.000-05:00

I took Abbie to soccer practice tonight. She sat on the sidelines with me and screamed for 45 minutes straight. Maybe she's not ready for organized sports.

The Easy Button

2008-09-08T21:52:00.002-05:00

I dropped the boys off in their daycare room this morning. They helped me hang up their coats and backpacks, and wandered off to play with a tub of trucks. I snuck out while they were distracted.

I dropped Abbie off in her daycare room this morning, and that's been a little more difficult. She's been in the habit of screaming from the time she wakes up until the time I walk out the door of the preschool. I helped her hand her coat and backpack while she protested the entire time. I walked her into her room as she continued protesting. I walked her to the bookshelf and encouraged her to pick a book. She rifled through the offerings, and settled on a Strawberry Shortcake book. She sat with it at a desk, turned to me, and said "bye."

I snuck out without another word.

Free!

2008-09-07T20:15:00.002-05:00

While driving home from the grocery store this afternoon, something caught my eye. It was a large, brightly colored piece of plastic with a sign proclaiming "free." As I cruised past, it looked like a piece of toddler playground equipment.

I hit the end of the block, and turned around. As I drove past again, it seemed to be in good shape. It was missing a slide, but the kids would still have fun climbing it.

I turned around in a nearby driveway, and parked next to it. As I broke it apart so it would fit in my trunk, another car stopped next to mine. This car had a trailer hitched to the back, ready to load a couple other freebies sitting next to our new toy. Good thing I stopped when I did.

Every Parent Needs One of These Stories

2008-09-02T17:51:00.002-05:00

Scene: Mommy just came home from work. Abbie and Ian run under her feet and start fighting over a toy bus that Abbie may have stolen from Ian.

Mommy: Abbie! Just give him the damn bus!
Abbie: No! I don't want to give him the damn bus!

A Perfect Storm

2008-09-01T21:09:00.001-05:00

Our local McDonald's currently has McRib sandwiches for me, and Star Wars Happy Meal toys for, um, the kids. We may be visiting more often than usual over the next couple weeks.

I'm Having T-Shirts Made

2008-08-29T23:14:00.003-05:00

I have to sing "The Wheels on the Bus" to the boys before bedtime. If I don't, they throw a tantrum if I try to turn out the lights. They usually throw a tantrum anyway, but at least it's more manageable after singing their song.

I always ask them for the next verse. The wheels go round and round. The door goes open and shut. The riders go bump bump bump.

Tory has been getting creative recently. He'll look at objects around the room and repeat the sounds they make. The digger goes dig dig dig. The sticker goes stick stick stick. The bed goes bounce bounce bounce.

Tonight he invented the daddies go it's all right. "It's all right" is what I say when one of the kids is hurt. Apparently that's my catchphrase.

Changes

2008-08-28T22:18:00.002-05:00

Some of you (e.g. Lynnette) may be wondering where I've been recently. The kids keep me busy, but surely I can spare a few minutes a day to blog.

Not so much anymore.

I started classes in law school last week. As of right now I'm neck deep in reading about torts, contracts, criminal law, and something referred to as "civ pro," which I'm not very good at but I've at least figured out the "pro" isn't short for "professional." The kids are now in daycare, or "preschool" as we cheerfully refer to it.

Why law school? I need to be prepared with something to do when the kids start school.

Sorry for going dark for so long. I want to keep this blog running, but I'm not sure what form it will take. Hopefully I can semi-regularly write anecdotes about the kids. I know I'll be busy torting and civ pro-ing, but surely I can spare a few minutes a day to blog.

Famous Last Words

2008-08-17T22:09:00.002-05:00

Scene: A fast food restaurant playground at lunchtime. All three children, having already eaten, were playing on the equipment after a rough morning traveling in the car.

Mommy: Did Abbie use the potty?
Me: No, but I think she'd tell us if she needed to go. She hasn't had much to drink today, so she might not have to go.

Seconds later, we watched Abbie remove her soaking wet pants. Several minutes later, the staff brought us a towel, and we left as soon as we wiped the equipment.

Progress

2008-08-13T22:45:00.004-05:00

Abbie and I battled over orange juice yesterday morning. She wanted some for breakfast. I saw her full bowl of cereal, and her full glass of milk, and told her no, not until she finishes the rest of her breakfast. I thought this was a fair arrangement, that she could have a little treat of juice just as soon as she finished her sugary cereal breakfast.

Abbie disagreed. She wanted orange juice, and relayed her demand to me as loudly as possible. I relented a little, and told her she could have orange juice if she finished her milk. Abbie calmed down and let her creativity go to work.

Abbie poured her glass of milk into Tory's glass. I told her that wasn't good enough, and I put her milk in the refrigerator until she was ready to drink it.

After several minutes of listening to Abbie assure me that she was ready to behave, I gave her her milk back with a reminder that she can have juice when she finishes her milk. Abbie looked at her glass, weighed her options, and dumped her milk in the sink.

I sent her to her room, and she ran away screaming. I wanted to teach her that she had to finish the food in front of her to get more, but sometimes lessons don't sink into a toddler's mind.

This morning, without being prompted, Abbie chugged her milk at breakfast, and said, "I finished my milk. Now I want orange juice, please." I was so pleased I poured her a glass of orange juice without demanding she use a question to request it. Abbie took the glass, drank half of it, and dropped the rest on the floor. It's still progress.

Picture Problems

2008-08-12T22:35:00.002-05:00

I noticed something last week. I notice a lot of things, mostly involving odors, but this was fairly important. We haven't had professional pictures taken in about a year.

We're devolving into less frequent picture excursions. Abbie had her first set of professional pictures taken at 3-months-old. She had sets taken at 6, 9, 12, and 18-months too. We have expert photographic evidence of her growth for her first year and half, but then something monumental changed. Abbie stopped being an only child.

The boys were born when Abbie was about 18-months-old, and traveling to the photographer's studio became much harder. We still braved it every six months, but the visits stopped for some forgotten reason about a year ago. Abbie still had her picture taken at school, so she was still spending time in front of the camera, but the boys' growth continued undocumented except for visits to the zoo and a handful of other times that I remembered to use our camera. I rectified this situation and set an appointment for this morning.

Our goal was to take a picture of each child individually, a picture of the boys, a picture of all three children, and a family picture. Mommy bought brand new outfits to maximize the adorability of the photos, and to ensure the grandparents would have pictures they could proudly stick on their refrigerators.

Abbie went first. If she learned one thing from her first year in preschool, it was how to pose for a picture. Abbie blazed through three cute poses in about two minutes. She left the room to watch a video in the waiting area while the boys took their turn.

While the boys were waiting, they had been fighting over a toy truck. Ian took the truck in front of the camera while Tory screamed for it in the background. After a couple quick poses, Tory stepped in front of the camera while Ian screamed for the truck.

Things broke down at this point. This toy truck was the key to calming the boys, but there was only one. Give the truck to one boy, and the other screamed. Take the truck away, and both screamed. We were able to convince them to share it, but their attitudes quickly regressed from uneasy to grumpy to cranky. We managed one quick photo where neither boy looked too upset, but we pressed our luck and tried for another photo where both boys looked vaguely happy.

A half-hour later, Abbie's video was done and both boys were in full tantrum. We let the boys take a break while mommy and Abbie posed. 30 seconds later, we had a beautiful mommy-daughter picture and two screaming boys. Dejected, I packed the kids into the car while mommy finalized the order.

I sat in the car with the kids for another half-hour while mommy haggled over which poses and picture packages she wanted to order. I used that time to memorize why we don't go out for pictures anymore. It's too expensive. The session takes too long. I'm always exhausted when the session ends. And we still don't get that family photo we wanted. Maybe we can try again when the boys have had a year of preschool.

Buried Treasure

2008-08-06T23:01:00.001-05:00

I cleaned my car tonight. I pulled out every last sock, toy, and fast food sack. I wound up with a grocery sack full of kid's meal toys. I also wound up with another grocery sack full of unopened kid's meal toys. I can now see my car's floor for the first time in months.

GGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-05T23:15:00.003-05:00

I've started Abbie on the long road toward a lifetime of physical activity, collegiate scholarships, and helping me vicariously live my dreams. I signed her up for soccer.

About a week ago, I found a note stuck in our door. It advertised the sign-up dates for a fall soccer league. The soccer fields are about a mile from our house, and we can hear the commotion on Saturday mornings. I've wanted to enter Abbie in the local soccer league ever since we moved into our home, but I didn't know who to talk to or how old she had to be. The note told me where to go to register my children ages 4 and up. Perfect.

I played soccer when I was in elementary school. I remember enjoying it despite losing almost every game. I think I played for about three years, and my sole shining moment came when I scored a goal from about midfield after the opposing goalie apparently fell asleep. I wanted Abbie to share in these good times. When I asked if she wanted to play soccer, she enthusiastically responded, "I love soccer," so I cleared time to take her to the registration.

I drove Abbie to the local elementary school at the appointed time. There I found a small group of people ready to register my child for soccer, and to run her through a series of exercises to determine her skill level. They used an actual stopwatch to time her through these exercises because apparently "She's 4-years-old" isn't an acceptable answer on the registration sheet.

They had two cones about ten yards apart, and they timed her running down, and then down and back. I had to run with her to get her to move.

Next they had her dribble a soccer ball between the cones. I wound up kicking the soccer ball alongside her while she ran in mostly random directions.

The next station was a weave drill with a half-dozen cones spaced out over ten yards. The idea was to dribble while weaving in and out of these cones. The man with the stopwatch assured me he had to time her and write down something even though she had a hard enough time moving in a straight line with the soccer ball.

The final station was a goal-scoring station, where she had to kick the ball into the net from ten yards out. After her first try, it was six yards out. Then two yards out. Then about a half-yard out. She'll be lethal as long as the opposing goalie is distracted by a flock of butterflies.

We turned in our forms, picked up some league information, and headed home. I was a little surprised when I discovered this league is run by a local church that we don't belong to. Only after I picked up the league information did I see mention of this church affiliation. That would imply there's not a strong connection between the league and the church, or possibly that this church is very sneaky about their evangelicism. I don't mind a loose connection, but if Abbie comes home talking about how we need to join this church we may need a talk.

Abbie seems to enjoy soccer, although she has a lot of trouble with the "no hands" rule, and the general concept that she's supposed to move the ball toward the opposing goal. She'll be in a co-ed ages 4-5 division, so I imagine she'll be on about the same level as everyone else. As long as she has fun and maybe learns a rule or two, I'll consider this a success. I'd like to see her score a goal too, but I'm anticipating a lot of 0-0 games.

From the Mailbox

2008-08-04T23:43:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned that I found mommy's driver's license inside the HVAC vent in the toy room. In the comments, Lynette from Iowa asks, "How exactly did you happen across the driver's license there?"

That's a fair question. Most people don't check under the floor vents when looking for things. Most people don't share a house with my destructive forces, either.

My children have discovered they can pry the HVAC vents off the floor. The vents are flush with the floor, and the only thing holding them in place is gravity. With time and tiny fingers, two things my children have in abundance, you can pry those vents loose from the floor and dump large objects into the duct work.

When I stumbled into the toy room the other day, I noticed the room's vent had been dumped in the middle of the floor. I picked it up to return it to its proper location. Before dropping it in place, I always check the duct to remove any valuable and/or airflow-disrupting objects that may be in there. As luck would have it, I removed mommy's driver's license, a valuable she'd been searching for for days.

My kids are quite good at pulling these vents off the floor. Usually I just find toys in the ducts, so these adventures hadn't made it into the blog yet. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I find someone's keys in there.

Lost & Found

2008-08-03T23:50:00.003-05:00

My cell phone has been missing for a few days. I found it yesterday on the lawn in the backyard. It's possible that my children swiped it, drug it outside, and dropped it wherever they got bored with it. More likely, the phone jostled loose from my pants pocket and fell while I was outside rounding up children. However it got there, the important thing is it still works and no harm was done.

Mommy's driver's license has been missing for a few days. I found it this morning in the toy room. Somehow it had fallen through the slits in our floor HVAC vents. I'm pretty sure I know who to blame for that one.

Scenes from a Mall Parking Lot

2008-08-01T23:41:00.003-05:00

We visited the mall tonight. Walking through the parking lot, I saw something new. A mother was standing outside her van with her toddler locked inside.

I wasn't sure what to make of the situation. The only person under distress was apparently the mother. She was understandably frantic trying to figure out how to get into the van. The toddler seemed perfectly happy. I'm guessing that while mom pulled the stroller out of the back and prepared for a night of shopping, the toddler pulled the locked door shut. Or maybe the toddler accidentally hit the auto lock button while mommy worked outside. Whatever the reason, a locked van separated mommy from toddler, and no coaxing from mommy could make that child unlock the door, no matter how cheerful mommy forced her voice to sound.

The situation surprisingly seemed under control. The child was in no immediate danger, even though it was a hot summer day and the van was shut tight. The time was early evening, meaning the sun was low in the sky and the temperature was bearable. A mall security guard stood by the van in case things took a turn for the worse. A random store employee also stood by the van in case someone needed a discount at the coffee shop he worked. A real police officer drove up as we walked past.

When we walked out of the mall an hour later, everyone was gone so it must have ended happily. I'm glad that my car key and clicker go straight from the ignition to my pocket whenever I leave my car. That prevent my children from ever locking themselves in the car. The worst they can do is leave my doors open after we get home, allowing the dome light to drain my battery, which they've done several times.

My Baby Beat Me Up

2008-07-30T23:32:00.002-05:00

I've suffered a lot of parenting injuries. Bite marks. Bruises from being kicked. Untold mental anguish. Tory found a new way to hurt me today when he almost blew out my knee.

I was in our bedroom putting away laundry this morning. None of our children are supposed to be in our bedroom. It's the only room in the house where I can leave small, fragile objects in convenient locations in all of their non-childproofed glory.

As I left the room, Tory snuck around the corner and, sensing small fragile objects within his reach, ran into our room. I didn't know he was coming, and stepped into the doorway in time to meet him. Tory's forehead collided with my knee at full toddler speed. You'd think the result would be a kneecap to his head, giving him the worst of the impact. Somehow, though, his forehead struck right behind my kneecap, and apparently hit a ligament at exactly the wrong moment.

I collapsed onto our bed, rolling around until I was sure my knee could support weight. Tory staggered backward for a minute stunned from the impact, but quickly regained his senses and continued on his beeline for my stuff. I regained my senses in time to shoo him out of the room, with me limping behind.

I'm not sure what he did to me; I'm guessing it's a slight knee ligament strain. In sports terms, I'm probable for tomorrow. In realistic terms, I'm definite for tomorrow; nobody else will be around to keep the kids out of my stuff.

???

2008-07-29T23:20:00.002-05:00

Do you know what toddlers are like? How they can pelt you with a question? And another? And another? And another? Until you're sick of questions? So sick of questions that you swear to never pay attention to them again?

I don't know what that's like. I suppose that's an advantage to having a four-year-old with delayed social skills. Abbie rarely asks questions, which I suppose has it's advantages. I'd like to hear her ask a few more questions though, such as "May I have Goldfish," instead of her current tactic which involves climbing into the cabinets, grabbing them herself, and acting outraged if I try to stop her.

Abbie's speech therapist also wants her to ask more questions. That's our job for this week, to encourage her to ask questions, and track the questions she asks.

Abbie is more into declarative statements than questions. Instead of asking for juice, she'll tell me she wants juice. Instead of asking why she can't have juice, she'll tell me she wants juice again. And again. And again. And again. And eventually instead of asking me why I'm crying, she'll tell me she wants juice.

Abbie's most common question is, "Where's (insert missing loved one's name here)?" She often utters this question when a brother shuts himself in the bedroom with a fun toy. I often hear this question right after mommy leaves for work. Usually this question is a precursor to a tantrum as she can't immediately see the person she wants, so it's a warning to take cover before she blows.

Abbie has an entire routine saved for when she sees someone or something hiding. If she sees a duck hiding behind a bush in a book, she'll ask "Who's that hiding behind that bush? Is that just a bush?" It's cute, but it's stolen straight from Dora in one of those scripted speeches she enjoys. When Dora sees Swiper hiding in a costume, such as a bush costume, she'll launch into the same routine. While I appreciate Abbie emulating a positive role model, we're still trying to encourage spontaneous speech.

That's all the questions I remember hearing from her. I'm reinforcing more. When she tells me she wants something, I make her ask for it. With luck, she'll soon be repeating "May I have juice, please?" ad nauseum.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2008-07-28T23:18:00.003-05:00

Mommy had a rare day off work today. Naturally we spent the day working to replenish our Vital Supplies. We hit three stores and a restaurant for lunch while out of the house for four hours today. We bought the kids new toys, snacks, and a meal at a clown-themed fast food restaurant with a playground. Out of all these moments, one is burned firmly in the boys' heads as their favorite of the day.

As I left the club store during excursion hour #3, I left mommy at the checkout lane to pay for our merchandise. We bought milk, diapers, and so many pens the kids won't be able to lose all of them until at least next week. I had the three children with me, ready to load them into the car while mommy ran through the checkout lane in peace. The boys rode in a cart while Abbie walked beside me.

When I arrived at the car, I opened every door first. It was a hot day, made hotter by the asphalt parking lot radiating heat. Abbie boarded the car as soon as I opened her door. I walked to the rear of the car to pull the boys from the cart that still held them, and noticed they were enchanted by something at the front of the store.

I looked, and saw a large digger working away at the front of the store. It was tearing apart the asphalt in a roped off area, and lifting giant chunks of roadway into a dump truck. In other words, it was doing the coolest thing in the world. The boys simply stood in the cart, watching this awesome machine move asphalt chunks that were way bigger than they were.

Abbie was happy bouncing between seats in the car. Mommy was a no show as her checkout line was apparently moving slower than I'd hoped. The boys were happy staring open-mouthed at the digger. So I stood outside the car, making sure no one made a break for it.

When mommy finally emerged alive from the store several minutes later, the boys were still in place. We loaded everything and everyone in the car, and drove to the grocery store. The grocery store shopping could've gone much worse considering how long we'd been on the road. I thank that digger for part of it for giving the boys something to think about other than all the delicious snacks we weren't buying them in the grocery store.

The Car Show

2008-07-27T23:30:00.003-05:00

Abbie wanted to watch television after supper tonight. She wants to watch television after supper most nights, as well as after lunch, before lunch, and just about any time she can get away with it. She usually wants to watch Dora, but that wasn't what she wanted tonight. She demanded a DVD, possibly something Looney Toon related. Mommy, having just completed the last in a series of difficult shifts, turned on the television, turned on the DVD player, and collapsed on the couch, ready to force Abbie to watch whatever (hopefully) kid-friendly DVD was in there.

The DVD that popped up was "Cars," the Disney/Pixar cartoon from a couple years ago. It's a mystery why this DVD was ready to go because it's never been a hit with our family. The kids generally can't sit still long enough to watch anything longer than a double-length episode of Dora, so we don't watch many movies in the first place. "Cars" has been exceptionally bad for our family, though, due largely to its lack of cute songs and memorable plot.

Mommy was tired, though, and I was still cleaning supper, so we let it play. To our surprise, the kids loved it. It's filled with cars, which appeals to the boys as well as the tomboy in Abbie. The action is fast and the colors are bright, which kept the kids' interest. Abbie had a lot of fun describing the action, even if she didn't fully understand why it was happening. Their favorite part was the tractor tipping scene, which makes me worry a little about the mean / low class streak running through them.

It wasn't perfect. The movie lost their interest in the second half as the hero learned important lessons about respecting the past, the importance of friends, and other things they don't care about. It was still good to see everyone slow down for an impromptu movie night while it lasted.

A Bead Day

2008-07-26T23:34:00.002-05:00

Abbie emerged from the bathroom today and declared, "I pooped!"

Abbie occasionally claims she pooped, and it's always a false alarm. Usually she means she tooted. There's never poop in the toilet, unless Abbie pooped in her underwear and deposited that in the toilet. While I appreciate the effort on that move, I want her to cut down on the number of objects the poop touches on the way into the potty.

I checked the toilet to see if she did anything. Indeed, there was poop in it this morning. It was a little, tiny, carrot stick's worth, sliver of a poop. It was still poop, and it had fallen directly into the toilet.

"I want a bracelet!" Abbie exclaimed.

Mommy came home a few days ago with a sack full of bracelets. We're always looking for new ways to encourage Abbie to repeat the rare good behavior she shows, and mommy bought a bunch of cheap bracelets to use as a reward. I wasn't sure how deeply they would motivate her, but I figured they were worth a chance. I had forgotten about them since no one had mentioned them since mommy brought them home, but fortunately Abbie remembered.

I found the bracelet bag and let Abbie pick out her favorite. Abbie spent a minute searching for the perfect bracelet while I held off the boys, who were furious that Abbie was getting something they weren't.

Abbie slipped her new beaded bracelet on her wrist, and ran away with the boys hot on her tail. I smiled, hopeful that Abbie was finally making progress toward the ultimate goal of being 100% potty trained.

A half-hour later she pooped a full-size poop in her underwear. A half-hour after that I found her new bracelet ripped apart, its bead scattered about the bedroom. I picked up most of those beads this morning, and mommy found the rest tonight when they came out Tory's business end and into the diaper. I should've known he had bad bead intentions when I found several of them stored in a bowl like cereal. Fortunately those didn't get deposited directly into the potty.

Not So Happy

2008-07-25T23:45:00.002-05:00

Our latest Happy Meal toy has a spy theme. It's a padlock-type contraction that doesn't lock. Instead it's meant to slip over a door knob or something similar. When the toy senses movement, such as the type caused by a door opening, the toy sounds an alarm. So it emits a loud and intentionally annoying sound* every time it moves.

Curse you, McDonalds. Why can't you just give out more cars?

* As opposed to the loud and unintentionally annoying sounds coming from most Happy Meal toys.

Shirt Tales

2008-07-24T23:47:00.002-05:00

Ian ruined his first shirt this morning when he smeared poop on it while removing a poopy diaper.

Ian ruined his second shirt this morning when he snuck into the refrigerator and spilled about a quart of orange juice on it and the floor.

Ian ruined his third shirt this morning when he used a marker to color on it* instead of paper.

His fourth shirt lasted till the end of the day.

Why can't he be more like Tory? All he did was get a bloody nose. Three times today.

*And himself. And the walls. And Tory.

You Go On Up Ahead, I'll Stall

2008-07-23T23:13:00.003-05:00

I always put the boys to bed first. I figure Abbie is older, so she should enjoy a later bedtime. Never mind that she naps about every other day now and needs to make up more sleep at night.

Everyone starts the bedtime routine in the boys' room for reading and singing, but Abbie separates after that. I lay the boys down in their room, close the door after Abbie slips out, and send her to bed.

Abbie, being the kind of toddler who puts all of her energy into mischief instead of things like potty training, has discovered the best way to use her time between me laying down the boys and sending her to bed. She stalls.

While I close the boys' door, Abbie runs. Sometimes she runs off to the living room to play quietly in hopes that I'll take the bait and find something else to do, which I too often do.

Other times she runs to our master bedroom to find mommy watching television in bed. From here she has many options. She can snuggle with mommy. She can watch television. She can sneak into the snacks mommy hides next to the bed.

After I put the boys down tonight, I found her nestled next to mommy in bed. She was doing her best impression of a cute child, smiling, cuddling, and keeping a safe distance from the snacks. She wanted to stay away from her bedroom, and was giving me no reason to drag her off to bed.

I let her snuggle with mommy for a minute while she let me watch television in peace for a minute. I then started to drag her, but she resisted.

"Do you want to go to bed?" I asked. "Or do you want to stall some more?"

"I want to stall," she said. At least she's honest.

A Sea of Orange

2008-07-20T23:57:00.002-05:00

Abbie fed the fish today all by herself. While I appreciate the initiative she's showing, she still has a few things to learn. For example, she needs to know that the fish should get a pinch of food, not an entire container of food. Also, she needs to learn how to vacuum the aquarium when the amount of food rotting in the water gives the tank a noticeable tint.

MMM

2008-07-19T23:55:00.001-05:00

Abbie recently discovered granola bars, and I'm happy to give them to her for lunch. Even though she insists on the rainbow chip variety with little fake M&M's baked in, they're still a healthful option.

Today I discovered that she's picking out the fake M&M's, and giving the part of the granola bar with actual nutritional content to the dog. This is why she can't have fake Lucky Charms either.

Nightmare out on the Town

2008-07-18T22:51:00.002-05:00

In the car tonight, Abbie screamed, "I don't want to go home."

While I'm proud of her increasing abilities in expressive language, I denied her request. Our car was going directly home. Upon arrival, the bedtime routine was going to start even though it would be a half-hour early. The children would all go to sleep upon completion of the bedtime routine, regardless of how high the sun still hung above the horizon. The children had earned an early bedtime tonight.

The night began with a trip out to eat. Mommy wanted to eat out, but she wanted a dining experience slightly finer than that found in clown-themed restaurants. So we visited the Chinese buffet, a restaurant fine enough to offer metal utensils. Buffets are great for children because they eat cheap, the food comes fast, and if they don't like something they can just get something else. We've successfully eaten at the restaurant many times in the past, and it's the closest we come to quality family restaurant dining.

We started the meal as normal with mommy sitting at the table with the kids while I loaded a plate for them. When I returned with a plate overflowing with fruit and various fried foods, mommy left to fill a plate for herself. I knew we were in trouble when the children lost interest in eating before mommy returned.

I left to fill my plate, and returned to find the children had all taken different seats. Fair enough. I ate quickly, but it wasn't quick enough.

The children stood on their booth seats. I could accept that as long as they otherwise behaved. Soon they were jumping on their seats. Then they were looking over the seats at the innocent diners in the neighboring booths who were doubtlessly wondering what cave our family just emerged from.

I asked them to sit. They responded by ignoring me. I grabbed their arms and made them sit. They responded by bounding back up and hopping to the far end of the booth giggling the entire way. I held them close to keep them from standing, and they screamed until I let them go.

Everyone simultaneously behaved for a few short stretches, enough for me to stuff some food in my mouth. Occasionally they played under the table. Despite the germs and long-forgotten food certainly hiding under the table, I was relieved when they slipped down below because at least they were quiet and not bothering anyone.

They picked at their plates a few times throughout the meal. Mostly this resulted in smears of gelatin and pudding. They went after their drinks several times, frequently spilling through accidental and intentional means.

After Abbie blew a particularly violent bubble in her drink that splashed her in the face, I threatened her. If she didn't start behaving, we were going to go home. That's when she started screaming about not wanting to go home. I calmed her down long enough to watch her sit, grab her drink, and blow more bubbles.

We left before I even made my way to the ice cream station. The wait staff gave us fortune cookies on our way out. Those cookies are still in the car. As we drove away, the boys said, "Good-bye Chinese food." I have a feeling it's the last time they'll get to visit for a long time.

Different Poopy Problems

2008-07-17T23:55:00.001-05:00

Abbie is still pooping in her underwear. Recently she's started throwing her dirty underwear directly into the toilet instead of on the floor. I guess that's progress.